A Galore

I've been thinking up a perfect title to match my results for Semester 3.1. I've been harbouring hopes of pulling off another miracle this time round.

I didn't manage to sign up for the SMS service for the results and had to wait until 12 plus before the results are updated online.

Guess what? It's A galore indeed. I'm so happy, actually. But somehow, my mood just don't pick up. I guess I'm really feeling blue. Alas, my otherwise perfect score is marred by a blemish that starts with the letter B.

Product Development & Innovation, oh, how I hate thee! I knew the subject was bad news from the start. I just knew it because I know we couldn't pull this off. I had my doubts from the beginning. There were so many aspects that I just don't feel good about.

Let's do a recap for the grades of each subject.

Event Management - Distinction. I can't contain my glee when I saw that I have a distinction for it! It's really a big surprise for me.

I thought I had some regrets regarding the exam and the group project but I'm so glad the teacher actually liked it. I guess he's not so bad afterall.

Special Interest Tourism - Distinction. My hope from the start, it's good that it didn't let me down. I have a good feeling for this subject despite some reservations from the start.

After the group project presentation, I knew that we clinched the deal because, pardon me, I think ours is the most well-done in the class.

Managerial Accounting 1 - A. Phew. I managed to score an A. I was lowering my expectations to a B+ days before the main examination because I was so worried.

Strategic Entrepreneurship - A. This is the subject that we worked so hard on and to please the weird lecturer. I'm happy that we managed to please him.

Product Development & Innovation - B. I should have see this coming. It's actually a little surprise that I scored this grade. Oh well, what is done is done. It's a freckle that can't be erased.

I don't know why the CGPA isn't updated yet. Don't tell me that I'm stuck at this CGPA. But it can't be, there should be changes.

I've one last shot at graduating with honours and I'll be damned if I don't get it. I will give semester 3.2 my best shot if only I have the higher powers on my side. Please do not let there be any class changes. Not at this critical moment.

Tough Cookie

Well, I guessed yesterday's Managerial Accounting 1 paper was fine. I reached school at around 7.30am because I hitched a ride with my father as he was leaving for the States.

I just spent the next two hours revising again and again. Truth be told, I was preparing for the worse. I'm that afraid.

However, just like I said, when you are facing with Death, the feeling will be different. I think I managed to do quite alright. Maybe, there will be a chance to get an A?

Now, there's Event Management left. Oh boy, it's another tough cookie and I've yet to start revising, again. What's the matter with me?!

Facing with Death

Argh! I don't think I'm ready for Managerial Accounting 1 paper tomorrow! How?!!!! If only I could make it all better...

It's killing me, it doesn't make sense at all! I feeling so apprehensive over it! I guess the older you get, the harder it is to watch yourself fall. In the past, if I really didn't do well, that's just it. I'll probably cry over it.

Now, if I get back my results with a blemish, after so long, I don't know what I'll do. I have to get on with life, non? It will be a lesson well learnt.

Will it be better for me if I lower my expectations a little? I mean, with 50% secured with an A, I just have to about 70 marks for my paper to still get a B+. Oh gods, this is bad, really bad.

There is less than 24 hours to go, and I'm sure that I make through this alive.
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I just have to deal with it, right? If it's meant to be, it will be.
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We're all afraid of dying, but when you are facing with Death, I reckon the feelings will be different. Afterall, you are already on the shore. It's not Death we're of, it's the path going there, the pain, the sorrow, the fear of unknown that results in all these. Like Dumbledore said, death is but another journey.

We'll see what I post tomorrow. The ball is no longer in my court and I could only pray for luck and help.

Feels like the First

"Everytime feels like the first time"
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I realised that my previous entries are really angst-y.

Anyway, I'm not going to talk about the internship now, because I've sort of lose steam over it. I've pretty much speak what I want to.

Examinations! I hate them with a passion. I know, it's not a doubt that I prefer exams over projects because I can have a greater control over them. Even though it has been close to 13 years of taking exams, each time still feels like the first time.

I hate them now! I feel as if I'm been spoilt over time. Thinking back, I truly wonder how I make it through secondary school. Look, I mean, we had like 7 subjects back then, all of which required memorising and theoretical stuff.

Now, I only have to deal with 2 examinations, which is pretty much common sense, although, Managerial Accounting 1 is going to cost me. I can't believe I am thinking unsavoury thoughts about alternate endings.

I am consoling myself what if I didn't make that ace. What if? There will be no one to disappoint but myself.

I really wanted to learn my lesson and start early, but why, I failed myself! Once again, I found myself stuck. I didn't mean for it to happen! If I can but to remedy this, I promise I'll do it right.

I am so worried over Managerial Accounting 1 and Event Management. MA1 is really difficult for me, I can learn all I could from the notes, but the exam never fails to add in some stupid questions to twist my mind.

I stink at equations and numbers, really I do. It get worse when the questions are not that straightforward.

Why?! The teachers aren't doing a good job if it means that us students can't do the questions. What is the use of the lectures when all they gave us are easy sums and suddenly, wham! they came up with mind-boggling questions for exam?

Oh gods, please just let me safely pass through this difficult period, it's just 2 papers, for goodness sake! It is preposterous to think that I can't even handle two papers when I had managed to do more than 7 in the past.

In Which We Cheer & Lament

"What if being good is not enough anymore"

So, I have 2 As as of now.

It's not much, seeing it's just a small hurdle passed. But, a hurdle, no matter how small or easy, is still a hurdle passed. And if I can make a leap over that, why not? It's only going to help me pick up momentum.

I have an A for Special Interest Tourism test which a lot of people didn't do well so I was quite proud of myself. I have another A for Managerial Accounting. That paper was quite easy though. Still, at least 20% is secure with a high A.

Sometimes, I wonder if what I am pushing myself is worth everything. But, I guess it does, even if it is for myself more than others.

The desire for excellence is no longer a want, but an obligation and a need. Eyes are on me to see a tumble and I am not going to do that, not at this situation. I needed those grades.

There is only a path for me as of now and that is to do well and get As. I am literally trying to make both ends meet.

I can't believe I can't get the scholarship money from the clan association this time. It's so stupid actually. I didn't fill in the form properly, they sent it back and I sent it back after filling it. I can't believe the deadline went past!

Yes, there is nothing to do about it, but I can't help but lament the money lose. It dropped down for me and I didn't manage to catch it. It's $200+, I can do so many things with it!

I can only pretend it doesn't hurt. Next year won't be so great, would it? Let's see. Well, at least, this time, I have the DHL certificate to be content with. Just like last year I had the money to be content with. Sighs.