Mutually Exclusive

I've been thinking a lot. Just to make it clear, having a good experience and having fodder to write for report is mutually exclusive with liking it. A more apt comparison would be, enjoying a good experience is mutually exclusive to having a good time.

Why do I make these two statements? I have been thinking about this internship for a long time.

I know it is about having a feel of the working world. I know it is not about money but the experience. I know it is about being at your best behaviour to please others so that they can write a good appraisal. I know all these and blah, blah, blah. I know all the political-correct answers. I know life is about entertaining people.

But, don't you think it is hassle and a chore to live for others' sake? Don't you think that sometimes you have to stand up for your rights and freedom of speech? Don't you think it is tiring to look at people's faces all the time and worry about the consequences?

I do and I did.

I mean, I don't say that this internship isn't good. I guess I have the better end of the deal, because I could have been sent to a worse company. But, this internship is killing me, I repeat, killing me.

I feel out-of-breath with the pace they are going. That event they are having is bogging me down. I can't even properly enjoy my movie due to that darned thing.

20 Questions

I realised I can pretty blunt and honest when I want to. Ha, it's quite embarrassing yet at the same time, gratifying, because I can speak the truth.

A colleague asked us if we are happy that the internship is coming to an end and instead of forced laughter, I replied with a simple "yes". I don't think it is insulting whatsoever, perhaps it's blunt but at least I feel sane.

I have enough of entertaining people through the days. I know I say that I can't lie to save myself, but I am always diplomatic, answering questions with diplomatic correct answers. Sometimes, I just have enough.

Therefore, when it comes to simple questions like this, I can only answer what I want to say. In fact, if it is without consequences, I would have say more. But, I won't go there. At least not now.

I know I am not happy but I am surprised it shows. Does it shows? Is it that obvious I am feeling rather wrong and out of tune? The boss asked me a mind-boggling question today. It seems like today is judgement day indeed.

He asked if I was feeling stressed and was I OK. To admit, I got a shock, because as far as I know, I didn't post anything that revealing on the facebook page. Come to think of it, I have to say no, I am still hanging there and since this is not a full time job anyway, I don't have to think about when I am home.

Am I stressed? I guess so. I am feeling under the weather lately. Is it because of the insane weather or because of the rushing up and down for work, I don't know for sure. It can be a combination of all these.

I am fortunate not to be directly involved in the event coming up. Phew. However, this means that I have to do all sorts of stuff. This internship is becoming more like a odd-job labourer.

Next week is a terrible week but I am glad that I've Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as an incentive. See? Now you get it why Harry Potter is so important in my life, because it keeps me going and never forsake me.

Nothing Worthy

Is it a good thing that sometimes I forget that I am in the middle of internship? I can't tell for sure. People may argue that it's too comfortable to even think of about but I beg to differ. All it means is that there is nothing worth remembering.

Whenever weekends or holidays come around, I will forget that internship or my workplace exists. When the whole thing is over, I hope to cleanly forget every, single thing.


It is not that I hate that place or its people. It's just that whenever I feel a hint of affection for it, I will be dealt with a major blow that ruin that image.

I can't wait till December the third comes around, because I know that I'll be free. Free from this horror. Whatever that comes next, I'll cross the bridge when I at it.

3 more weeks!

Booked!

Hooray, hooray! I booked the tickets for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 on Sunday!

It must be the first time that I managed to book tickets so early. I am pleased with myself though I am so afraid that my tight schedule would ruin things for me, not to mention my cousin and brothers.

Anyhoo, I am planning to go for another showing with my friends. This time, of course, I will have more choices.

GVmax is nearly full at the 7.00pm slot, I can't believe it! My first choice is GVmarina but the bad timings spoil it for me.

Finally, to mark the last 10 days to the premier, I'll end each post with a quote from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows that I really like.

"The letter was an incredible treasure, proof that Lily Potter had lived, really lived, that her warm hand had once moved across this parchment, tracing ink into these letters, these words, words about him, Harry, her son." ~ Pg 150

Advance Ticket Sales

No way! is my reaction when I saw that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows advance ticket sales is now on for Golden Village. How can it be?! Why am I so slow this time?!

For ages, I have lament over the slow updates of the theater. Now, it just caught me unaware! Darn it!

There are a couple of criteria I have when it comes to watching "movies of the year". For one, I have to be at Golden Village Marina or Vivocity. Another criteria is that I have to watch on that day itself, or settle for the next.

I hate the feeling of everyone watching that movie and waiting for my turn. Call it whatever you want, but it is just something I have strong feelings about. This is one characteristic of being a long-time fan, isn't it?

If I am situated at another country, say Britain or USA, I would have joined in with the midnight celebrations if given the chance.

Being in the middle of internship is a big blow to my plans, again. I can't watch the Deathly Hallows on the first timeslot available, and can only do it when evening comes along.

The timeslots on Thursday for GV Marina are so bad that I want to hurl. The only timing I can go for is 9.30pm and that, alas, is too late for me and my cousin.

Reluctantly, I want to settle for second best which is Friday, also 9 plus. Then, I saw an opening. There is a showing at 7.00pm on the opening night, at GVmax. I want to jump at this chance, of course. But I have to see my cousin's timing too.

The time will be very tight for me, but at most, I will cab down to the destination. It is a treat for myself, and all the troubles I put up for this past month or so. We'll see. I just hope that things will go my way and hopefully, I will book it tomorrow.

Now, you see, it's going to be worth it.

Saturday Woes

Oh gods, today was worse than I thought.

I had fun over the last week and now it's payback time. The amount of homework from each child is that many and we had to mark all of them, today. There were only 3 of us left to finish the work. Bloody hell.
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It's 8 hours of straight work for me, on a Saturday. I started at 9.27am and ended at 5.29pm. I saw this coming and my reaction is relatively numb over this.
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At least, I got pay by the hour. Oh, why am I doing this anyway? I keep questioning myself. At least, I won't feel guilty over how I spend. And I know I need the cash, if I am going to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 1 at least twice.
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Contrary to common belief, I do not do this just for the sake of money. Oh no, you can call me a chronic goody-two-shoes who is too responsible for her own good.

When I have to do something, I make sure I do it right. When something falls under my care, I have an obligation to make sure it works out right. That's how I am and I hate it. A recent example was the camera business. It's all in my previous post.
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I am seriously in need of therapy. I need therapeutic shopping. Actually what I need is a good holiday, free and easy. All I want is to relax and relive, is that too much to ask?
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I don't know which one of the two jobs I have now is worse. I can only console myself that regardless of what, jobs are temporary. If you hate it that much, shove it.
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Anyhoo, the thought of fulfilling my goal is comforting.

Too Good For My Own Good

I'm too pure and good for my own good. Why am I making this statement? Because I feel awful and guilty conscious over something like this. I feel like a little child, with hands caught in the cookie jar.
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I was a facilitator for today as well. I went to QiHua Primary School with the trainer and that programme was supposed to end at 3.30pm. Therefore, I was in a dilemma over whether I should go back to the office. By right, this is what the office staff told me, I should because there is still time.
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But, it is quite obvious that it is a no-brainer for me to return to office at such a late hour, only to go home a few minutes later, right? I fretted over this and turned this situation in my mind over and over again. It bothered me to bits.
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In the end, because of the timing, I stuck with my common sense and went home, not before informing everyone in the office of course. If it wasn't for the camera, I wouldn't have worry so much actually.
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Now you see, I can't be a Slytherin. My conscience prickles me if I ever thought of doing something easy and good for myself.
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With the assurance from my boss, gods, I feel so much better and at ease now. I can't believe myself, why?! Perhaps with exposure comes experience. I sure hope that I can be street smart and wise the older I get. I can't imagine being like this forever.
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I was bothered by the camera business. The camera ran out of battery and they had to use it on Saturday. I promised I would bring it back on Friday but now I had to make sure it was charged. This was the stupidest thing I ever thought of doing. I planned on waiting for the camera to finish charging before going home.

This was actually a very long story and nasty business. Fortunately, it turned out so much better than I expected, with there being an extra battery and the boss in the office on a public holiday (he practically lives there).

Bad Start

This week is a bad start of November. I should have known better than to get out of bed.

On Monday, I don't have to report to the workplace but had to go to 2 schools instead. I was to be the stand-in facilitator as they cannot find any SMU students for it.

It wasn't fun, as per say, but I wouldn't mind doing this once in a while. As I am still a newbie, they practically throw me to the sharks, I sit around and make myself useful from time to time. Otherwise, I just took photographs of the on-goings.

There is no briefing for us interns, as we are their last resort. I didn't know what to do or to expect. I am not good with students or children, and I am quite "wooden" in a way.

It was so awkward as the students greeted me with a salutation or "teacher". I mean, c'mon, I am barely older than them, especially the secondary school students. It is mushy and weird to put a label to my name.

Certainly, this is an eye-opener for me and this is what I want to experience during the course of this internship. This is fodder for my report, to be frank. I have a lot to write about this and of course, writing it down here just means that it will be so much easier for me when I start on the report.

I went to red-dot museum with Bartley students on Monday. At first, I thought that it will be fun, as I can get to enjoy a field-trip. Alas, there wasn't much to see at the museum, the 'normal' students lost interest after a while and even I can't really appreciate the designs.

Thankfully, I got to go home early after the programme ended at QiHua Primary School.

I already feel sick, rushing here and there. Still, I thank my lucky stars that so far, I did not encounter any real problems finding the different schools. I had brushes with bad luck, but still, everything went quite well. I hope to continue riding on this wave, until the end of this internship.

Today, it wasn't a good day from the start. When I was waiting for the MRT, I received this SMS that I or the other intern has to report to Bartley Secondary because the original facilitator couldn't make it. Internally, I groaned. Why did I have a bad feeling that something like this will occur?

In the end, I had to go. I was prepared to be late anyway, and should there be a need for me to take a cab, they better pay it for me.

I wasn't very late and those students are getting on my nerves. I can't take rowdy and boisterous people and this is exactly what those 'normal' students are. They fooled around and cannot sit still to listen. Even the trainer is at wits end.

This week, it's same-old for me, all I can say is, thank goodness the week ends on Thursday. I have never been so grateful for a public holiday until now.

A Good Day

Yesterday was a good day, more or less. We ate at Hans to celebrate a colleague's birthday and bought a cake too. But, it was a hectic day as we had to rush filing again.

In the evening, after a late log out, I went down to Changi Airport to meet up with the rest of the family and aunt as the grandparents were coming back from China. We dined at Astons at Terminal 1 and went for dessert at the Chinese restaurant next to it. The mango sago is just so brilliant!

I feel that we should do this more often. It's great to just forget all my troubles for a while and have fun. Too bad, I've to work on Friday nights starting from the following week. We'll see though, as I already said I can't guarantee.

Terminal 1 is so stuffy and packed nowadays, due to the construction going on. I know that they are trying to beautify the place but the on-going process is hardly worth it. Since I got use to the airiness and open-concept of Terminal 3, T1 just seems like a poor comparison.

My grandparents seemed to have a good time at Hainan. I suppose the treatment is different when a celebrity, albeit a local one, was part of the crew. There were about 200 tourists in this tour package alone.

While I would have baulk at the thought of so many people in one tour group, there are merits too. For one, the local people over there would welcome you with open arms. Imagine booking half of the hotel, you could just see the dollar-signs in their eyes.

A-waiting

19 days till Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 arrives at the silver screens in Singapore shores. Of course, this is also the time where the movie is screened across the world, thrilling millions of fans and viewers alike.

The news of Deathly Hallows part 1 not being made into 3D disappoints and heartens me. It is disappointing to note that we’ll not be seeing this epic story given a boost with the magical touch.

However, between a bad 3D movie and a good 2D one, I’d rather watch the latter. It is heartening to see that the producers and the crew behind this franchise putting a foot down against churning out shaky 3D effects with the lack of time. This is what they should be praise for.
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Too many times have studios and what not fail to deliver the anticipated 3D because they just don’t give a care.
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November Dreams

Hooray, agony October is coming to an end! The countdown can officially begin for "numb" November.

Although, I must say, with public holidays, birthdays and of course, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 all scheduled in November, I can hardly hate it. These are the only things that can make me happy.

I've kind of lose my fire over the everyday posting of the going-ons in my internship. After a while, it kind of gets old as the same old things happen over and over again.

I realise being an intern means you are pretty much a "dog". When the person throws the stick, you are supposed to run after it. Now, I don't mean it in the literal sense. I know the saying that a person will only treat you how you want to be treated. But, I am not in a position to negotiate or even voice out.

When things start to look better, things will go downhill after that. I have a new term to coin this period: zombiefied. I am not myself.

It is not just me who see this in the company. Even the newcomer can see it. The company, which supposedly dabbled in innovative and creative courses, is not so innovative and creative afterall. In fact, the system it adopts is a rigid and narrow one.

The whole system seems forced. They can't move out of their bubble although they tried. The result ends up being neither nor there.

They want to accept others' ideas but refuses to change. They have this thinking that "oh, you can go ahead and do it, I trust you". However, when you submit it, they will be like "no, you should do this, you should do that".

I mean, what is the point of giving free rein to someone only to dash it by wanting the final outcome to go your way. It's beating around the bush and they are just wasting everyone's time. You want it your way, fine. Do it yourself or just tell that from the start, for god's sake!

And the worst of them all sits at the boss seat. He is the one who started this whole "creative" and "innovative" business, but he fails in what he preaches. He can't see things beyond what he has in mind.

All I can say is, I am glad that I am a temporary staff. It's too stuffy in that sort of place.

November Hopes

This past 2 days had been great, almost to the point where my internship seems to be nothing but a dream. How I wish it is true.

On Saturday, after work, I went for a manicure. It's been too long since I went for one, and seeing that I just received my pay cheque, I wanted to treat myself. Alas, I can only go for conservative colours because I still have to work.

On the other hand, it's gloomy thoughts for me as I was asked to go to work on Friday nights. I mean, what?! I don't want to but I can't lie so I said I'll try. After all, if I arrived late, I'll just have to call and say that I can't make it.

Sighs, I do not do this for money, despite me saying otherwise. I just couldn't lie to save myself, although I do have my pride.

Anyway, the next 2 weeks will be kind of good for me, as I do not have to work on Saturday and the upcoming public holidays. Never have I been this grateful for public holidays!

Oh, November looks to be a eventful month, for the entertainment side. There is, of course, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 to look forward to. I'm already trembling with anticipation over it.

On the 3rd of December, the last day of my internship, I'll exempt myself from Kumon because I want to celebrate my freedom.

Today, my grandparents went for a vacation in China. We went to Changi Airport early in the morning for breakfast before sending them off with cousin's family. It was a fun day indeed.

Everytime I went to Changi Airport, my heart will give a little tweak as I watch travellers departing and arriving. I want to travel too. Even though I hate the idea of flying, I still want to travel. It is such great fun to put down what you are doing and just enjoy and relax.

Gloomy Days

I know I've been blessed in many subtle ways, but how can it be, when I only see gloomy days ahead?

I pray for respite and rain. I want to see a rainbow. I want to be alive again.

I never said I was happy, at least not in the last few weeks. I never want to be part of this insanity. I sure isn't living, as per say, but rather, just managing and surviving. It's truly a pain, I tried to be open-minded and positive, but it soon turn to dust. All those hopes and wishes, they have disintegrate.

I'm begrudgingly doing what I am told, I would never do this willingly. I drag my feet to work everyday.

Thankfully, as I kept telling myself, this is temporary. All I have to do is to endure for 6 more weeks and then I can wiped them out from my life. They will ease to exist.

I can't believe how disgusting they are. Stop it! Stop trying to be helpful or whatever backstabbing thing you are doing! Stop trying to suck away my weekends! I have given up my mind and body, but I will damned if I offer my soul on a silver platter.

It is said that if you have enough of a job and finding yourself dragging your feet to work, it's time to change that job. At least, this applies when you are young or have no obligations to make. When you can afford to be choosy, please do. It's that time when you ahve no mouths to feed, or to be the breadwinner.

I wonder if I would be that type of person later on. I wish I would. I am supposed to be young, free to experience different kind of jobs and settings. If I really hate that job, I what to shove it away and hop on to another one.

I guess I still have part of my humanity left, since I am defying them in little acts. Don't judge, because it means that I can be happy. It pains me to see myself becoming a living zombie. I hate the fact that I feel like a convict each day it is time to go home.

I Know It Is Not This

"I don't know what I want, but I know it's not this"

I came across this title on a book in the library and I fell in love with it straight away. It totally conveys what I want to say.

It was pay day yesterday during my internship. Phew, 4 weeks down. After dividing the amount by 30 days and multiplying by 25, I realised I am only earning S$14 per day, from 9am to 6pm! It was astonishing, really. After subtracting off transportation fees and lunch money, I'm practically left with nothing.

No wonder my cash on hand is depleting like there is no tomorrow. On the other hand, my bank reserves can only get higher. I suppose I am nearing my plan to save enough and more for a graduation trip.

On the other end of the spectrum, since I only have taken one part-time job so far, I can only use that to compare, I am earning S$5 per hour. Not much, by any other account, that is the unofficial minimum pay.

Still, today I worked for 7 hours, which means that I've earned S$35.

Damn it, why I am working my b*** off? Oh, right, because this internship is compulsory and graded. So, that grade better be worth it because it has to be equivalent to all those cash I've lost and given away.

One more thing, what happens if your boss wants to add you on Facebook? That is exactly what my boss did. What the crap? Why is he bothering anyway?

I'm hardly going to change my life over someone unimportant. Although, if I really do add him, I will take all precautions to prevent him from knowing what I've been typing. Then again, if I ignore him, what is he to do about it? Write in my report that I refuse to be his "friend"? Creep.

Anyhoo, regardless of whether I will add him or not, I will delete him from my list once this internship ends, because our contact ends there and then.

Fodder for Bad Press

I'll start with the good news, I don't have to buy the 2,000 stamps for now. Hooray! And I've definitely learn my lesson, I'll not be bringing extra cash to work anymore. Next time they want me to buy something, I'll be saying that I don't have extra cash on me.

It's time we put our feet down at this type of workplace bullying, nevermind that they will pay us back sooner or later.

Are they kidding me? It's awfully insensitive of them to assume that our cash are at their disposal. It's also presumptuous of them to assume we will be free to follow them to some event at night.

Anyway, today, I've something else to write in my report. I'm supposed to do some kind of write-up for each of the corporate gift and they were the ones who told me that I can write what I think is right.

Then, he came to tell me that he don't like my writing and I was like, "ok, how do you want me to change?" This is what I hate about him, he did not give any constructive feedback at all. He said "I don't know, just change". I mean, what the heck, this is the way I write, you want to change, fine, at least tell me where I went wrong or something. Don't just give such a non-solid feedback.

Besides, If you don't like it, then for god's sake, you can always edit it yourself or make changes. Sure, I want to learn but you are not making it easy for me! I think he just like his own style best so he might as well write all of them himself since it looks like he can't accept others.

In the morning, when no one was in the office except the two interns, we were talking about the bad things in this company and THIS guy and how loathsome he is. The company is fodder for bad press.

There are so many things that we can't take it and the blatant way they treat us, the interns. Don't blame me for being defensive all the time because you lot aren't better yourselves.

I may tolerant this guy but I don't respect him at all. Besides, I plan of wiping the memory of them by deleting them once the 11th weeks end. It will be nothing but a nightmare.

I have no love for the company, don't worry. The only thing I want is to get my good grade and good evaluation. Once the evaluation is handed in, I'll pretend we've never met.

Once the last day rolls in, I'll throw my hands up in joy.

Money Can't Buy You Love

I can't believe how much I've spend on that god-forsaken company in this past 3 weeks. Heck, my pay is only S$440 and I've spent over S$100 plus on stationary items.

Now, this is going overboard. I've to buy 2,000 stamps tomorrow and my parents told me that it'll be over S$500 plus. So what? I'm to spend my savings on this useless thing and wait for the boss to pay me back?

What if he don't pay me back? What if he keeps delaying? I've all sorts of worries regarding this issue. He said he would transfer money to my bank account but how will I know it? Unless, I check on my bank account first before buying.

Does he think that we, teenagers, have a lot of savings? He's lucky that I do and can afford to wait till pay day to get back what is owed to me. Perhaps he think that money grow on trees. Asking students to fork out large sum of money first is pretty irresponsible and obnoxious of him.

Hmm, even my parents can't take it laying down. Already, they are questioning why am I not getting back the money I previously spent on the company.

This is a good point to jot down in my report as a learning point and problem faced. I mean, I could always say that I had to borrow money from my parents first and how I overcome it is by spending less on my meals.

Damn him and his way of doing things. We'll see how it goes. In my mind, I want to do all sorts of nasty things to him. He can wait for defamation and a "lawyer letter" if he cheats me of my money.

I feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

Worldly Goods

Something got me thinking about what worldly goods I want this Christmas and further on. Surprisingly, nothing really catches my eye, yet.

I am eyeing for a Pandora bracelet for my graduation, as a graduation present. As for birthday, I'm hoping for something special.

I'm saving up for the trip to USA, of course. I want to shop and spend those well-deserved, hard earned money on what I like. I want to see what I having been waiting to see one year ago.

I know, money isn't easy to come by and yet, there is a part of me that crave for branded items. Not the really high end brands though, just a little higher than normal, if you know what I mean.

Birthday Celebration

It's been awfully long since I update on the brighter side of my life.

Last Sunday, 3th October, we celebrated my Grandfather's birthday at some Hong Kong styled restaurant.

I always look forward to these kind of gatherings and dinners because it means that we are still together, as a family. It makes me feel very blessed as we can shared such canon moments. It is also something to look forward as it means good food, well, more or less.

Take Back My Words

I was wrong. I take back my words. Blessed indeed, yeah right.

Being a slave is apparently somewhere on my job scope. Please, I don't even have a proper job scope.

Why am I dealing all these crap anyway? If not for my grade and reputation, I would have protested. Like I said before, if there were to be no consequences, I would have done something bad to the lot of them.

Today can top the list of ridiculous things I'm being made to do. Yesterday, I had to do all kinds of stupid signages for the office. Today, all because of the printer's fault, I had to lug the laminator home and being asked to print over 40 pages of coloured documents which are not important at all!

If I'm not allowed to scold and curse them now, I don't know when I'll be able to do so. Isn't it ridiculous? Isn't it unreasonable?

I had to use MY own printer, MY own printer ink to print OFFICE stuff. Can you see the reasoning in it, huh?

Although, the boss did say that he would pay me back the ink. Of course he must, what am I, a fool that he can lead by the nose?

And adding insult to injury, I have to arrive one hour earlier to Sunday's "team building" event to put up the signage. So, on top of being a delivery man, I had to be a lackey as well.

You know what? If they ever hold a team building event every month, this will be the first and the last activity I'll be going. The next time something like this happens, I'm going to say that I'm to be a bridesmaid/attend grandparent's birthday. So what? An excuse can save a person's sanity. Not too bad.

If I'm not given the due credit for all these grieve they caused me, they are going to be in trouble. If I get a pass with commendation, that is because I deserve it. And I pass, it is more than what they own me. Damn it.

Blending the Days

I hate writing and coming up with what is known as "political correct" answers.

You know, you wish to say something bad about that certain country but can only hold your tongue because it would mean war?

I hated it! I want to shout it out loud. But, alas, I can't, because I have a front to keep up. A facade, you may say. This is life. This is what it means by white lies. I can only put my insults in a nice package and delivered it via mailman.

Today was better. Partly, I think because the boss isn't in. I swear, he has some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder, he has to have things all done to perfection.

Bloody brilliant, we are not designers or studying design, and yet he expect us to design all sort of stupid posters for the office. What are we, fools? He had us labelling the whole office with stupid terms like this and that. God, inwardly, I was rolling my eyes all the sheer stupidity of it.

Why would someone want to label the toilet, fridge and bench? Huh? Tell me.

Hmmm, 9 weeks more. It has been difficult to pass this week. But, as the days blend together and I taking one day at a time, it can only improve.

Blessed, my foot

What a miserable day filled with miserable worms! I want to curse every single of them. Damn them all!

I can't believe after a few days I said I was more blessed, something like this happens.

If there is ever a chance I am offered the job, I will very happily reject it. If ever they ask me whether I would like to join the company, I will say you can take the job and shove it. You s***kers.

Frankly, I don't need your miserable job in that miserable company. It isn't even a good place to travel to. I don't need your pitiful amount of cash, if I ever need that to survive, I'd have starve.

I'm young. I'm head-strong. I'm stubborn. If I can't be that now, when will I have the chance to be? When I'm old enough to have proper responsibilities and desperate for a job?

Obviously I have dreams. I dream of a better tomorrow. This job just tells me that if I don't look hard and deep enough, I'll suffer and pay deeply.

But, I guess, there's a salvation. First, I didn't choose this, I was forced into it. So, I can hate it for all I care. Secondly, I would never have chose this stupid job anyway. Thirdly, it is temporary! I thank all the gods for this fact.

At least, when I get the money and run, I can say good riddance to bad rubbish with relish and spend it on something that is worth a hundred times more than this sorry company.

I want to curse them with every curse and hex known. If it isn't illegal, I want to AK them.

9 more weeks.

19th Commonwealth Games

The 19th Commonwealth Games opened with a bang in India yesterday night.

This is my first time watching the Commonwealth Games. Previously, I have heard briefly about it but never experienced it because the local TV channel do not support it. I guess now we have the chance to see it is because it is held in Asia.

Anyway, after much negative publicity in recent weeks, India have more or less delivered a rousing games. For its sake and pride, the next couple of weeks have to go on smoothly, without much fanfare, if it does not want to tarnish its image any further.

I sort of fear for India, because no country deserved such scrutiny on a worldwide level. The feeling stings big time.

So, India, I wish you all the best. Because of the Games being held in your country, I get the chance to be part of the Games.

In Memoriam

It came as a blow this evening, Mrs Lee Kuan Yew, the wife of Minister Mentor, had passed away.

It just further cement one of my greatest fear because as the days pass, I fear that Mr Lee will leave us one day. Now, I know a person can't jolly well live forever. But there is a part in me that I won't have to deal with it in recent years.

It will be a big day for Singapore should that day comes, because world leaders will surely come here and pay their respects and since Mr Lee is a renowned person around the world and have won the respect of many, this is a big issue indeed.

There will be at least a day of mourning and a national holiday will be declared.

By then, I hope to have read one of his biographies and interviews.

As a young Singaporean, not hitting twenty yet, it may seems a little weird for me to let my emotions run in such matters. I don't particularly care about politics but I do care about the welfare of the country. At the minimum, I do read and care in world issues.

I guess I can be considered a "fan" of Mr Lee as I think he really has aid Singapore a lot, together with other early political members. I shudder to think of how it will be for us should an alternate universe occurs. Would I still have free rein typing this tonight?

Comparing ourselves to other countries, we have so much to be thankful for. Yet, obviously, people will want more, searching for their perfect Eden.

Perhaps, when you become a head yourself, in your own country, then you can set up your own laws and regulations for your own people. Till then, be content and appreciative. Even better, you will realise governing a country is not as easy as you thought.

A good quote to use here is "My boat, my rules" from Sleep Talkin' Man.

For now, RIP Mrs Lee.

October Wish

My October wish is for October to go faster so that I can get away from this agony. Out of the 3 months, October will be the worst because it's limbo. By the time November comes around, it will high time to start a proper countdown.

I managed to survive another week in internship, so that makes it 2 weeks down. 9 more weeks to go.

During the internship, I’ve experienced a different kind of environment and now, I have an inkling of what kind of work and environment I’ll like to work under. The aspects of work life which I like and not preferred, this internship is more of the latter.

If there is something really deep I learn in this internship, it is that I want to keep my options wide open and really choose a good job to settle down. The last thing I want to do is to sell my soul to the devil.

I'll never do that because it is plain stupid. That is also why the plan of setting up my own business will not occur to me now. Perhaps for some, experiencing this motion makes them want to be their own boss. For me, it's something ugly and seriously, being your own boss equals no balanced work life.

Furthermore, since I will be graduating real soon, my immediate plans is to think about my options, go for a well-deserved holiday, think about it some more and go for further studies. That is my plan.

I really don't feel like working after experiencing it for 10 days. It's a chore, to drag yourself awake and drag your feet to work. You basically have no life because once you come home, it's dinner and some time for yourself before going to bed.

I was discussing about the ugly side of work with my fellow intern and I realised that I have no wish to travel that far for work, I thought gloomily to myself.
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You know what? After going through today's sharing session, I've found out I'm much blessed. The way things are going for me cannot be compared to what some classmates gone through. I would have curse and swear to the bank if I land one of their unfortunate jobs.

Calling out all day long? You've got to freaking kidding me! I will cry everyday if I have to do that.

Working in a travel agency and having to work through the weekends? Working in a hotel? Once again, no way in hell. See? This is way I did not choose tourism in the first place. I knew such horrors would happen. Choosing tourism as a major is so much different than working in the industry.

I should count my blessings then. At least, I am stuck with a 9 - 6 job, five days a week. At least my job scope is better than some which do repetitive work throughout their 11 weeks internship.

Still, of course, there are people who landed better jobs than me. I know that. But, it's somewhat sadistic to be "gleeful" knowing that there are others who are worse than you. I can't help this feeling.

Oh well, I supposed I'm a little more appreciative of my job now. To deal with incompetent and negligent supervisors are the worst lot.

This sharing session is good. It broadens up my perspective and allows me to view things in a clearer picture. Though, I have to say, that does not make me less likely to complain and rant about my worklife. I have to have an outlet to vent my anger.

Waving the White Flag

If I could surrender without any consequence, trust me, I would have wave that white flag from the start. It's not that I do not have guts, it's just that I'm more of a self-preservation sort. If I have known the horrors, would I still continue on? I don't think so.

My father once said that interns are no different from volunteers after I said that volunteers are cheap labour whom you only need to provide meals for. I don't think so. The major difference between interns and volunteers starts with the letter V.

Volunteerism means that you willingly go ahead with whatever you partake. You understand the clauses and go ahead with it because it means something to you. On the other hand, interns, at least for us, it's forced. FORCED, in capital letters.

I most certainly didn't agree or go ahead willingly. I don't understand the clauses and do not wish to sign on the dotted line.

Besides, volunteerism means you should be happy and it is justify that you don't get cash in return.

If there is one thing worse than cheap labour, it is free labour. I am having morbid thoughts about when and how we are getting our just payment. My mind is filled with "what-ifs". They are a failure if they think they can get away with that.

Singapore Grand Prix 2010

Singapore is called the "crown jewel" in the Formula One race. As a Singaporean, I couldn't agree more.

Singapore is so spectacular and amazing at night! The skyline is really beautiful, now that Marina Bay Sands stands proudly against the night sky. While it is not exactly dazzling, Singapore can be on par with other countries'.

This is the 3rd race in Singapore and it still is getting rave reviews from foreign viewers. Yesterday's race was indeed a good one, with crashes and fires and situations that makes your heart thump. Such is the case of Hamilton and Webber incident. I'm so glad that Mark Webber came out unharmed and finished in a podium finish.

Fernando Alonso won, fair and square this time. He maneuvered with style and was leading from start to finish.

This year, since my original favourite was not inside, I decided to support Mark Webber, Sebastian Vettel and Jenson Button. There are two who are in Red Bull and Jenson Button in McLaren.

Singapore is still the only country with a night race and it certainly up the standards. With the street circuit aglow with megawatt lights, it seems like the sun shines on the particular route.

The night race attracts people because it is something new and with the backdrop being picture-perfect, who could ask for more?

Doing a Lucrative Business

One week in this entrepreneur company and I have the gist of doing a successful business. And I'll even share it here so that people will not be dominating the lucrative industry.

Actually, it doesn't take a genius to know this, but still, people may not thought of this before. First, charge your clients an exorbitant rate, say S$25,000 for a 3 day training programme. On the other hand, pay your staff the minimum wage rate, say S$440 for a month.

Thank you, Captain Obvious, for pointing out the huge difference in standards.

I've another tip for scoring in the area of cheap labour. Tie up with schools and keep looking for part-timers. Who needs full-time workers when you have part-timers aplenty? Interns will be gone after 3 months, no problem, there will always be another school sending their interns in.

To do a simple calculation, there will only need to be 4 schools sending in two interns per 3 months for them to achieve that success in monetary terms. And you have no idea how much they freaking earn!

Now you know. Go out there, start a business with minimum staff and maximum output and you can get rich, just like that.

And this is sarcasm, in case you wonder.

A Galore

I've been thinking up a perfect title to match my results for Semester 3.1. I've been harbouring hopes of pulling off another miracle this time round.

I didn't manage to sign up for the SMS service for the results and had to wait until 12 plus before the results are updated online.

Guess what? It's A galore indeed. I'm so happy, actually. But somehow, my mood just don't pick up. I guess I'm really feeling blue. Alas, my otherwise perfect score is marred by a blemish that starts with the letter B.

Product Development & Innovation, oh, how I hate thee! I knew the subject was bad news from the start. I just knew it because I know we couldn't pull this off. I had my doubts from the beginning. There were so many aspects that I just don't feel good about.

Let's do a recap for the grades of each subject.

Event Management - Distinction. I can't contain my glee when I saw that I have a distinction for it! It's really a big surprise for me.

I thought I had some regrets regarding the exam and the group project but I'm so glad the teacher actually liked it. I guess he's not so bad afterall.

Special Interest Tourism - Distinction. My hope from the start, it's good that it didn't let me down. I have a good feeling for this subject despite some reservations from the start.

After the group project presentation, I knew that we clinched the deal because, pardon me, I think ours is the most well-done in the class.

Managerial Accounting 1 - A. Phew. I managed to score an A. I was lowering my expectations to a B+ days before the main examination because I was so worried.

Strategic Entrepreneurship - A. This is the subject that we worked so hard on and to please the weird lecturer. I'm happy that we managed to please him.

Product Development & Innovation - B. I should have see this coming. It's actually a little surprise that I scored this grade. Oh well, what is done is done. It's a freckle that can't be erased.

I don't know why the CGPA isn't updated yet. Don't tell me that I'm stuck at this CGPA. But it can't be, there should be changes.

I've one last shot at graduating with honours and I'll be damned if I don't get it. I will give semester 3.2 my best shot if only I have the higher powers on my side. Please do not let there be any class changes. Not at this critical moment.

Utter Despondent

Urgh, another day of utter despondent. I was reduced to a delivery "man" again. Oh gods, I hope this is not becoming a habit.

I, and the other girl, went to collect the printing opposite the block. We were totalling rushing for time and it was raining. So, we were drenched in the rain as there is no shelter. We had to rush to Jurong Industrial area to deliver all the tools and files that they needed.

We took a cab down, which the fee will be paid back to me. It was again a mad rush to file 20 copies of notes for the training programme. Damnation, but the place is so warm and we had to hole-punched every single piece of paper.

Once everything was done, we had to get back to the office. Today and tomorrow, the office will only contain the two of us interns, since the two guys have corporate training going on.

I was counting on today to be more relaxing and fun because no one will be in the office. Who knows that something will happen.

When we reached Boon Lay Interchange, it was about 2.50pm. We went for our late lunch at Jurong Point and started the long journey back at around 3.30pm. We reached the office around 4.30pm and did some work before clocking out at exactly 6.00pm.

Hey, we totally deserved the time to eat our lunch. We may be supposed to be compliant but if we don't even have basic rights, I think it is high time someone put them in their shoes. By right, we have an hour for lunch and in that hour, we can do whatever we want.

If I want to surf the net during that time, I jolly well can do it because, technically, I am not faulting. Alas, if only everything is written out in black-and-white. Even then, there are still people who go against the contract.

What hope is there for us, lowly interns, who are no better than the construction workers out there? Heck, some foreign workers enjoy better pay and treatment than us!

We had to fork out our own money on the way home, it may be small amount, but to us, who are earning about S$2.20 a day, the transportation fare is not even enough to cover the "wage".

Cheap labour, we are. Exploitation, this is. I wonder how they managed to cope with the extreme shortage of staff before we arrived. Perhaps, they do away with the part-timers because we are here. Damn it.

Still, at least today passed quickly. Tomorrow will be a better day, if nothing drastic happens.

At least there is something to look forward to this weekend, what with the semester results and F1 Grand Prix. Woohoo!

Errand Boy

So, I've been reduced to a errand boy now, huh?

I can't believe my luck when I received that call this morning. I was told to bring a CD from the office and bring it to Bartley Secondary School to deliver it.

In my mind, I went, Oh man, it's just my luck and I, of course, cursed. But what can I do? I'm here to serve. I can't help but to rant on the money I had to fork out to take the 2 stupid buses out and back again. What the freaking thing is this?!

Let me say, the month of October is the worst. September is almost ending and November will the start of the countdown to the end. So, October is definitely the limbo.

Bah, there's nothing much to be said except that why must I get all the "dirty" work done?

Best Moment

The best part of each day, at least for this period, is going home. Oh, what joy I felt when I saw the time approaching as the day wanes.

I can't stand this any longer! 10 weeks and 3 days to go, damn it! Why? Tell me why must the days pass so slowly?

This is only the second day and I am falling asleep because of the stupid, monotonous work. This is the second day that I'm writing on the cards, all day.

It doesn't help that my wounded feet are torturing me. This is the first time that something that grievous happened to me.

Dash It

I must say, this seriously stinks! How I wish this is all a bad dream. It certainly seems so now, when I back at home, typing this. Oh, if only wishes do come true. I want a genie.

Internship is not what I envisioned, especially this at all! I tried my best to go with an open-mind but it just had to go downhill from the start.

Firstly, I had a hard time finding the freaking office because the building construction is stupid enough to put the first two rooms outside in the carpark. I mean, what the holy? What kind of idiotic design is this?

Then, the name of the office don't tally. The form they had given us is X company but the company's name outside the door is Y. Double bloody hell.

Of course, I panicked. Treacherous tears threatened to leak out and I finally gathered my courage to call the Director as he is to be our supervisor. He answered and said he is at China now. This means that I have to pick up the phone bill.

All this while, my shoes are killing me. This is my fault because I don't know why I didn't choose proper the size at the beginning. Damn it!

I saw the other girl who will be working as well and finally the person came.

The whole day was kind of dull, not that I expected fun. I rather take mundane over anything else. Oh boy, I am scared for the future. I wonder what they have in store for us. I can't get over mulling the scary truth.

Lunch was just a take-away. Sighs, this is worse than I thought.

Then came the time to leave for the day. Woohoo! I can't wait for the end of the day! As you know, my shoes almost killed me and I gritted my teeth and limped all the way from station to station. Oh gods, how humiliating and painful.

Finally, I called my father to ask him to fetch me from the MRT station and I realised that my feet are injured pretty badly. As the blisters were injured, it is just so painful when I was taking a bath.

The only good thing that comes out from this is that the end time is supposedly 6pm instead of 7pm. But, there may be overtime or work on Saturdays if necessary.

Are they freaking kidding me? Because this is not funny at all. I may be forced to sign along the lines but I certainly didn't promise to sell my soul to the Devil. Pooh! I give them my weekdays and they expect me to sacrifice my weekends too? No way in hell!

Obviously, they can't expect me to do this, hey, people have plans, alright?

Only 10 weeks and 4 days left.

Freak Out

I feel like puking.

This is like queuing for a roller-coaster ride, and I hate the feeling! The big problem here is that I've never been on a roller-coaster before. Well, there's always a first in everything.

But, oh gods, I just want to hide in a hole and cry. Is it silly? Is it naive? I should be glad that I, at least, have a companion, even though I am not acquainted with her.

It is natural to be freaking out, right? I've never done this in my short life. It's like going on a journey all by myself, which I'm planning to do so soon.

All I can tell myself is that this is all for the greater good. Want to have a good trip? You must do this internship well and thorough. Only then can I have the results to show that I deserve the trip. I swear that I'll reward myself properly.

Only tomorrow will tell whether all my worries are for naught. Only time will tell whether this is a good company. Only time will tell, darling.

I shall end here for now, tomorrow will be a brand new day and it will be just like travelling to a new school, meeting new people.

We'll see what happens, won't we?

Fare Thee Well

"The world as I know it will end tomorrow. Be afraid, be very afraid"

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It's just like going to a new school, right?! The feelings are the same, the same breathlessness, the same fluttering, the same dread.

Trust me, I'm really nervous, my heart is all a-flutter. I can't think straight. I desperately want things to be good and yet I know that if I think too much, I'll just end up being disappointed.

I can please people, can't I? Haven't I been doing that since young? All I have to do is to be amiable and helpful-looking. If I really hate it, I can always rant on this blog, yes? Besides, it's only 3 months. It will be a lesson, no matter what.

However, I guess, because this is graded internship, the pressure is on whether you serve at the right dosage. I can't lose it all to a silly little thing like this which cost 8 CUs.

Oh, how I wish things are different. Still, this is the only opportunity for real sort of work. It'll certainly be an experience to remember.

I feel guilty for spending so much on the clothes and what not for this internship. Damnation! But, it is inevitable, what with me being in a office. I mean, I certainly have to wear office wear, non? For someone who only own jeans, shorts and T-shirts, this is a big investment. Of course, I need shoes too.

Then, I will have to spend another huge sum on the concession fare for transportation. $90 plus for a freaking month! I don't think the measly pay is able to cover my losses.

Cheers, to going home late, to squeezing with the working people on the MRT and bus, to be an entity. Cheers, for listening ears and sympathetic faces.

Screw It

Wheeeeee, I'm in such a good mood today once I realised this is the last they will see of me! Hip, hip, Hooray!

This is the last weekday I'll be working, at least for the next 3 months. Gosh, I need this.

I don't have to put up with those annoying children anymore and they don't have to put up with me. It's the best of both worlds. No more easy answers! No more feeling frustrated and annoyed! No more channeling bad vibes!

I have had enough of those disgusting children for a long time. I have to put up with their crap and whining and then I started putting up a strict front. It's bad for myself and them. I hate this aspect, you know.

I ignored them for most of the part, but there are times when you can't even bordered it up.

Ha! I shan't miss them. Now that I think of it, could the internship be a blessing in disguise? I need a change of environment real bad, and this is a good chance to compare. Too bad we're treated like cheap labour.

Whereas, in this job of mine, the pay is acceptable, but the children treat you like crap. Seriously, I often wonder how they do in school and what would happen when they grow up. I often find myself comparing because I can't fathom how they can go about life like this.

True, they are young, younger than I and I pity them. The world they are going to live in is not going to be easy, at all. If ours is bad enough, then theirs will be worse. It's something to chew on.

Oh well, I know what some people will say. It's just a godforsaken part-time job, for goodness sake, don't put so much heart and emotions into it. Frankly, I don't. I don't see myself investing my share of feelings and heart in this. I used to think of myself as a robot, marking and marking from start till finish.

So, once again, I found myself in a limbo, between a wall and a cliff. The cliff is looking good at the moment and please do not disappoint me. I will try to make the most out of it.

Saturdays though, I have to meet those damned children again. But, at least it's once a week. It's a gloomy thought, but I suppose my plans will make all these worth it.

It's a plan to conquer myself and humanity.

No hard feelings, eh?

LA & North Carolina

My father was back from the States and he brought with him Ralph Lauren goodies! Oh, how wonderful! If only I was there too.
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He bought me a bag, one which I have coveted for a long time. Too bad it's the only piece left, I had another one in my mind, oh well, nevermind, I can save that for my Christmas present next time. In fact, as soon as I have the time, I will do a post on things I want to get.
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The bag was going for a huge discount, there's why he bought it. Thank god for end-season sales. -
He bought some polos from the outlet at Beverly Hills. I guess it's pretty certain that the store at Beverly Hills targets high-end customers. The clothes are not cheap at all, and all the bags are made of leather.
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It's just so lucky my father got that last piece in North Carolina.

He also got pins from Hard Rock cafe at Los Angeles and Hollywood. Sighs, now I really want to go there on top of going to Orlando.

I guess within the first few years of my career, I will take vacations as long as I can afford them. This goal means that I've to work extra hard and save. But, I think it's worth it, to do something that I like, for a change.

Take A Moment & Ponder

"Out of the frying pan, and into the fire"

I think it is an apt description to what I'm in for. Each time I tell myself that today will be different, it just ends up the same, with me being irritated by the kids.

It's not that I even like the job, to be frank. I'll do my work and I get paid, that's a good combination.

Anyway, I keep telling myself that this week will be the last I see of them before I go for an "extended vacation". In some ways, I am thrilled to drop what I am doing now and embark on a new journey, a "real" job, some may say.

On the other hand, like that idiom suggests, it's not as if I'm really in for something big. It's a graded job with me being kept on my toes all the time. I really hope to be at least happy in it.

Now that I'll be gone, I won't say I'll miss those ickle children. I don't necessary like my position now because they keep asking me for help and what not. I don't think I am up to the job of being a patient person.

Due to this week being my last week working during the weekdays, I will try to be extra tolerant and giving. They always say, be at your best when it's your last. Sighs. However, I've signed myself up for Saturdays and you know that Saturdays are always the worst.

Why? It is because that is almost no ending time. At least on weekdays, by 10 plus, we'll be packing and getting ready to leave. But on Saturdays, if there are other matters to do, it means we have to stay back, unless I pull a fast one and balk. Obviously, I can't do that everytime. It makes my credibility go down and god know that I'm extremely pliant, most of the time.

My feelings on this? It's mixed, to be sure. I love the idea of not reporting to this job but it just means I have to report on the other job. I'm not happy, just numb, like always.

We do not exist for ourselves. When we are young, we exist for school, it is all for the future, they say. If you want to be successful when you grow up, you have to slave in school.

When that future comes along, you exist purely for work; your boss and your company. You slave even more, towards that bright light at the end of the tunnel. You want material things in life to make your future substantial.

There's almost no time to relax, to take a step back and exclaimed, this is not what I want.

But, I guess what is even more frightening is to really find out that what you are doing for, it's all for naught. Perhaps, you have seen the light and decided that worldly things don't matter anymore. Perhaps, it's better late than never.

But to start over, it's just plain discouraging and taxing.

Last Paper, Last Hurrah

So, I finally finished my examinations. It seems like a long time but in actual fact, there are only 2 papers.

Event Management was fairly alright, I guess. I had some regrets but I believed I did my best and the ball is not in court anymore. I just hope that my A is still being maintained.

I can't believed that he didn't put one single question on Youth Olympics at all! I thought that will surely come out but looks like I underestimated him. Oh well.

The questions weren't exactly that tough but I kind of forgot some factors. But, I think I can still do well. Fingers crossed.

Now, the time is mine to spend as I like, however, I am sort of afraid that I won't be able to accomplish what I told myself I have to do. I only have 6 days left before my last hurrah is gone. I want to go out with a bang but it's going to be more or less, a candle being snuffled by the wind.

I'm truly scared about what my internship will bring. Everything is so uncertain and shaky. I want so much but am so frightened by the prospect of things not going smoothly for me. There is so much apprehension and feelings.

Common Sense is Overrated

I'll tell you why. This is because if everyone have common sense, the world will be a much better place.

Anyway, back to my topic, Event Management is sort of based on common sense, at least that is what I think. However, if my common sense is as good as it seems, I'll do well in this exam. Let's hope so. Let's hope my common sense will not abandon me for that 2 hours.

Like I said before, when you are facing with Death, you won't be afraid, unless you are not really meant to die. I am truly afraid, because I've such high expectations for it.

But, come to think of it, it's not that high an expectation, I've 70% secured with an A, this exam is 30%. It's a no-brainer that I can do well, but I don't just want to do well, I want to do very well and get an A for my overall grade.

I need it like I need air. If there is a miracle, I will get all As again for this semester. Oh, if wishing make it so.

I've tried my best, truly I did. I made some mistakes in the past and I hope to have learnt from it. I did what I can to remedy it. I even do some research on potential events that the lecturer can ask.

All I want is an A for my Event Management, is that so much to ask?

All These Talking

What is wrong with me?! Goodness, I realised I have a penchant for masochism. No, no, no! It is so dumb, why did I like last-minute study so much? At least, I think so. Because I can't bring myself to start early.

Anyway, I will be free once Monday comes along. Then, it will be my last Hurrah before I turned myself in. *Gasp* I can't believe I am comparing going for internship like being married or going to jail.

Let me just enjoy my last days as a free person.

So, there has been a highly controversial act going on. If you don't know what it is, then you are living under a rock all this while. It has resulted in much backlash and fear from the world as we are living in these trying times.

2010, so many years of civilisation and yet, we still can't seem to get out of ancient pettiness and feuds. Perhaps, it is made worse by technological advancements and the "I-am-better-than-you" syndrome.

It's so silly that we are taking two steps forward and one step backward. It just makes us enter a period of slow-moving advancement in terms of softer aspects.

Oh well, I'm not going to comment on anything to do with religion and what not, because it's becoming too controversial and sensitive a topic to even talk about.

Tough Cookie

Well, I guessed yesterday's Managerial Accounting 1 paper was fine. I reached school at around 7.30am because I hitched a ride with my father as he was leaving for the States.

I just spent the next two hours revising again and again. Truth be told, I was preparing for the worse. I'm that afraid.

However, just like I said, when you are facing with Death, the feeling will be different. I think I managed to do quite alright. Maybe, there will be a chance to get an A?

Now, there's Event Management left. Oh boy, it's another tough cookie and I've yet to start revising, again. What's the matter with me?!

Facing with Death

Argh! I don't think I'm ready for Managerial Accounting 1 paper tomorrow! How?!!!! If only I could make it all better...

It's killing me, it doesn't make sense at all! I feeling so apprehensive over it! I guess the older you get, the harder it is to watch yourself fall. In the past, if I really didn't do well, that's just it. I'll probably cry over it.

Now, if I get back my results with a blemish, after so long, I don't know what I'll do. I have to get on with life, non? It will be a lesson well learnt.

Will it be better for me if I lower my expectations a little? I mean, with 50% secured with an A, I just have to about 70 marks for my paper to still get a B+. Oh gods, this is bad, really bad.

There is less than 24 hours to go, and I'm sure that I make through this alive.
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I just have to deal with it, right? If it's meant to be, it will be.
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We're all afraid of dying, but when you are facing with Death, I reckon the feelings will be different. Afterall, you are already on the shore. It's not Death we're of, it's the path going there, the pain, the sorrow, the fear of unknown that results in all these. Like Dumbledore said, death is but another journey.

We'll see what I post tomorrow. The ball is no longer in my court and I could only pray for luck and help.

Feels like the First

"Everytime feels like the first time"
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I realised that my previous entries are really angst-y.

Anyway, I'm not going to talk about the internship now, because I've sort of lose steam over it. I've pretty much speak what I want to.

Examinations! I hate them with a passion. I know, it's not a doubt that I prefer exams over projects because I can have a greater control over them. Even though it has been close to 13 years of taking exams, each time still feels like the first time.

I hate them now! I feel as if I'm been spoilt over time. Thinking back, I truly wonder how I make it through secondary school. Look, I mean, we had like 7 subjects back then, all of which required memorising and theoretical stuff.

Now, I only have to deal with 2 examinations, which is pretty much common sense, although, Managerial Accounting 1 is going to cost me. I can't believe I am thinking unsavoury thoughts about alternate endings.

I am consoling myself what if I didn't make that ace. What if? There will be no one to disappoint but myself.

I really wanted to learn my lesson and start early, but why, I failed myself! Once again, I found myself stuck. I didn't mean for it to happen! If I can but to remedy this, I promise I'll do it right.

I am so worried over Managerial Accounting 1 and Event Management. MA1 is really difficult for me, I can learn all I could from the notes, but the exam never fails to add in some stupid questions to twist my mind.

I stink at equations and numbers, really I do. It get worse when the questions are not that straightforward.

Why?! The teachers aren't doing a good job if it means that us students can't do the questions. What is the use of the lectures when all they gave us are easy sums and suddenly, wham! they came up with mind-boggling questions for exam?

Oh gods, please just let me safely pass through this difficult period, it's just 2 papers, for goodness sake! It is preposterous to think that I can't even handle two papers when I had managed to do more than 7 in the past.

Gotta Fly Once

Does it make me a lesser being the way I act with the idea of internship, particularly under this circumstance? I don't think so. Just like how it doesn't make one a greater person by being so accepting and thrilled.

There is, ultimately, only one path to go. If I have to be dragged, kicking and screaming into this insanity, I might as well feed my inner-self. As least one of us will be happier. Oh, I can be very accepting and supportive, this is just not the right situation.

I have done some soul-searching and have came up with this conclusion. In fact, I'm not upset over the general thought of internship, because I know it's a rite of passage that I've no choice but to go along. It's the mere thought of being exploited in a first-world country that makes me fumed.

I am toying with the idea on writing to someone, somewhere about whether all these are justify. Even if it doesn't help, hey, at least I know a bit of the law, right? And I will know that under what kind of circumstances I can draw a line at.

All I wanted was to better understand my rights as an employee, even though I'm actually an intern.

What a load of crap! Ok, I am still going to work during Saturdays, in my part-time job. I guess I'm eating my words now, because once upon a time, I ranted about quitting once September rolls in. Sighs, I am certainly not being forced or coerced into this.

I just thought that I should continue, afterall the job is very flexible, and I can treat it as a form of supplement to my measly pay.

You know what? All these just makes me more determined to make that trip to USA as a form of reward for all the crap I put up with this 3 years. I mean, if I have to do all these, I should have a form of "carrot", non? I hope to concrete my plans once the year ends.

Oh boy, Year 2010 kind of stings, me thinks.

The only way I'm calling it quits is when the end is nigh. I think, that's when nobody will care whether it reflects good on them or affect their goals. Now's that when I'll say "take your job and shove it".

Limbo of the Working Class

"My way or the highway"

Ha! I did some background check and found out that interns in Singapore are covered under the Employment Law. So, we too are entitled rights. What I need now is advice from a lawyer.

So, basically, once interns hit the 44 hours per week mark, employers are liable to pay us overtime. Seeing that my hours per week hit a whooping high of 50 hours per week, they better do so. Should they fail to do that, it means that I am in a position to bring this issue to the Liaison Officer, right?

I mean, I most certainly didn't sign any stupid contracts with fine print saying that I will sell my soul to the company.

For gods sake, I did a check on the average working hours per week in Singapore and around the world, Singaporeans still clocked in higher-than-average working hours than others. Normally, Singaporeans hit the 40 hours per week.

Well, I guess at least we get paid while getting tortured. And it's a good thing I am not in the hotel industry, they have shift work and some work for more than 12 hours. Are you freaking kidding me?! Never, I rather stick with office work.

They literally have us stuck between a wall and a cliff. It's my way or the highway, to put it bluntly. We couldn't say no to the Polytechnic, right? And once the company have been decided for you, you can't change it.

We are not given any choice in the matter at all. Unless, you count that pathetic excuse of self-secure. *roll eyes*

Whatever happen to the calm and poised approach I wanted? I thought that since this is something I have to go through anyway, I will be more open-minded. But, no, seems like I still freak out over it.

Sighs, whatever happen to my wishes? I am destined to get stuck in this limbo of the working class for as long as I live. Unless, a miracle happens.

Anyway, I'm not going to think so much, because whenever I think too much, everything just turn for the worse.

I'm not determined to hate it when I haven't even experience it. I am just writing what I feel and think. Let me pass my judgement on Judgement Day.

I still can't believe I am not even worth $2.20 per hour! Gosh, am I worse than say a typical construction worker? My mother's company certainly pay their foreign workers better.

Consequences Be Damned

They treat us like vermin, sir"

If there are no consequences, or better still, consequences be damned, would I still go ahead with all these? You bet not.

I finally know where I got posted to for my internship. It just have to be in Ubi, out of all the places. And the pay just has to be the minimum, a measly amount of $440 a month. Here is the "best" part, the hours are from 9.00am to 7.00pm.

So, what it means is, I am not even worth $2.20 per hour. Eh, I have double the pay for every hour I work in my part-time job, alright?

Now, now, the definition of internship is to gain experience without pay. I know that in the States and other countries, internship literally means no pay at all. So, in a masochistic way, I suppose I should be grateful that I even have a pay at all.

But, they can't treat us like cheap labour! This is like exploitation in a first-world country. What? They treat us no better than second-rate citizens! This is outrageous!

I don't know. For me, internship is just another pesky aspect of school that I have to get through. I don't necessary like, but nothing can be done. I might as well give in my best, which I have to anyway, because I am not going to mess up my plans.

I didn't exactly sign myself up for all these, OK? Between 2 choices, people usually choose the one they like. For me, since I don't like anything, I just have to choose the one I can tolerant better than the other. See the difference?

That being said, I didn't sign myself up for this course and what not because I like it, it's just because I have a higher tolerance level for this rather then another course.

I am having a break-down here. I'm freaking out, so as to speak. I don't know if I can do this well. It's freaking 8 CUs, and I have to get the Pass with Commendation. I just have to. Oh gods. And I don't think I'm ready for the real world, not yet.

It's all too overwhelming. Suddenly, I don't want to grow up, I rather pick school over work any other day. That is for certain. Unlike others, I don't see working as an escape, it is a prison, where you will get stuck for the rest of your life.

I already know what I like and dislike. In a sense, I don't need a reality check. In fact, what those lecturers said don't include me. I don't want this, get it? I see it as a chore I have to do.

However, I guess they are right about one thing. It's only 11 weeks, it will pass very soon. I have endured nearly 2 years in the Poly, haven't I? What's another 11 weeks? Well, for one, it stinks big time.

I have to do my best and hope for the best. Hey, in fact, give me all the mundane tasks, I welcome those. I really wish for a good working environment.

So, I will have to cross the bridge when the time comes and I will be back among the living in December. Oh dear, December seems so faraway.

Goodbye to holidays~

Celebrating 600th Post

This is to celebrate my 600th post! Hip, hip, hooray!
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I can't believe I managed to reach this far! It's pretty amazing for me. To think that I felt apprehensive when I first started this blog because I was so worried about what people are going to comment.
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I guessed I gave myself too much credit. My lack-of-experience in the past made me think that people put emphasis on blogs. I am not famous, for one. Besides, I don't publicise my blog like some people do. Nor do I forbid others from reading them. There are but a few posts I privatised due to various reasons.
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Now, this blog was set up for myself. It is the only site I can do free writing. I love fanfiction but I don't write them. This is the only place I can practice my English skills since I don't take English as a subject anymore.
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This blog is very different from others, say other teenagers. I have seen quite a few who wrote about their outings and lives, period. Ahh, that's where I differ.
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I do write about outings and what I thought to be pathetic stuff like school and Life. But, I also do reviews for books, movies and thoughts about current affairs, world issues and anything under the sun!
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As long as I have the inspiration and time, I will pen them down. I considered myself to be a rather self-righteous person. I am opinionated, and I can't take things lying down, especially when it just begs to be written. I don't see myself debating, just giving my views.
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I don't always read what others have to say, because most of the times, they are narrow-minded individuals who can only see what is and not what it can be. I am talking about current affairs here, like the recent Youth Olympic Games. Only when I feeling a little masochistic, will I read those comments for fun and then I will get all riled up.
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Another thing to take note, I dislike changes. Therefore, my blog display remains pretty much the same when I first started out. I just couldn't bring myself to make a change because all the formatting and stuff will be gone. Though, if I have a nice title, I will do a new title banner.
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Here's to many years to come, and many more entries. Hopefully, it will be filled with good things and not the bad.
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Christmas in August, I like the sound of that!

Missing You

Gods, it never fails to move me to tears whenever I watched those snippets of athletes and the journey they and we have come. Those songs sung at the end of the Closing Ceremony are really touching.
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I don't know why is it that only this Olympics, albeit the Youth Olympics, invoke such strong sentiments and emotions from me.
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Perhaps, it has to do with pride as a local. The Games won't be a success without the public's passion. Still, I feel as if I'm part of the gigantic celebration and milestone, even though I am not a volunteer.
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And now, of course, the Games were over and literally, so is my "honeymoon" period. I've to start revising for the 2 exams. I can't bring myself to sit down and do this, my brain don't seem to work at all! What should I do?

Slowly, Softly, Sweetly End

With the tune of a single flugel-horn, and the beating of drums, the sacred flame was slowly, softly, sweetly extinguished. This brought out a torrent of emotions from me.

I didn't even watch the whole closing ceremony, just snippets of it. But, I think it was a fitting finish, it's very touching and reflective. As with the dramatic and youthful opening, the closing is a finish of promises to come.

As the young athletes bid goodbye to each other, the night was still young as the closing ceremony was dedicated to them and the volunteers. It was just reward for them as for the past 12 days, they have toiled and competed.

Ahh, how great it is to be young!

It's been too awesome a journey to put into words. Kudos to the team of volunteers, who have stories of sacrificial to tell. Kudos to the team of reporters and media who bring us news. Kudos to the people manning the twitter account and Facebook, whom a lot of people rely on for live updates.

Kudos to the organisers and committee who did it despite all odds. For a major event like this, past experiences are crucial when it comes to decision-making. Only from mistakes made in the past, will the current host country delivered a better event. Therefore, for us, without any main guides, we did well.

The IOC president akin the birth of the YOG to that of the birth of a child. In that short 12 days, the "child" has grown up and is ready to move on, in the words of Mr Ng Ser Miang.

Indeed, for many of us, how could we forget the day history was made? It has been two weeks of celebrations, competition and mingling. I'm extremely pleased with the rave reviews from athletes.

Through the Cultural and Educational Programme, athletes and volunteers learnt about different countries. The clinics and talks held by some Olympic medallists is great as well.

This is not farewell, because the Youth Olympics is just the beginning and the stepping platform for many of these athletes.

As spoken by Mr Jacques Rogge, goodbye and see you in Nanjing, China. The spirit of the YOG will live on and all this starts in Singapore. I hope that by Summer Olympics in London in 2012,
we can see many of these athletes again.