Perhaps the thought of it being no child’s play makes me so jittery. Perhaps the thought of not doing well turns me off.
The local University scene is notorious for being “too high standard” for Polytechnic graduates. Parents and students have been lamenting for years how it is unfair to them and how they have to seek out overseas Universities. I know they said it is tougher for Poly graduates and I am worried about that.
I get into one by my sheer hard work. I am proud of the fact and yes, I surprise myself. But now the real challenge begins.
It’s one thing to get accepted and another to graduate with a degree, nevermind honours. So can you blame me for not wanting to make sure my roll continues? It isn’t easy to get in and it isn’t easy to maintain. I don’t want to be labelled as that “University dropout”.
As the last days of holidays bring me closer to reality, there is a battle of 3-4 years in front of me. It’s uncharted waters ahead, and my standards for myself and the aspirations from relatives and family stress me out.
My most primal fear is fear itself. There I said it. I am afraid of not adapting well. I am afraid I make the wrong choice. I am afraid of having regrets because I choose this path. Even if I do regrets, I have no one to blame but me. I am afraid of hitting road blocks and too-high hurdles. I am afraid of examinations. I am afraid of not doing well enough. I am afraid of failing myself. I am afraid of having to work with not good groupmates. I am afraid of finding a job afterwards.
I worry too much but how can I not? I am lucky in Polytechnic and I can only hope that I will be blessed in University.
I am messed up.
