Pre-U Jitters

Is it me, or everyone who face this?

I am graduating in 2 months time, gasp! The formal graduation ceremony will be in May but still, in 2 months!

Till today, I have not given much substantial thoughts on University. As much as I am paranoid, I still go by the concept of "living for the day". To me, it have been " I will think about it when the boat docks".

It's like secondary-tertiary drama again. People say "you only live once, so realise your dreams and lead your own life". However, there is also a saying of "you only live once, make the best out of it".

These two phases are different, no? One is saying you should be daring, dream and go far, fulfill your dreams to the fullest. On the other hand, you should planned out your path carefully, and not to make stupid mistakes.

Polytechnic-University is a phrase where it is the hardest to overcome. I made up my mind to go to a University when I was in secondary school, my goal is further cemented by my good results. It is not always smooth-sailing for me but I get by.

You think I don't want to choose what I like? For some reason, I find myself liking Economics and want to take that as a major. But, come to think of it, I think I'll pass. First, I don't have the confidence to do well.

You may think it's paranoid, but it's University. It's not child's play. It's not like secondary school where you can get through without much injuries, I know, I failed A Maths for nearly all 2 years until O levels. It's not even like polytechnic.

The fees for a semester in University is atrocious and I don't have the money to spend on finding my interest, thank you very much.

In the University life I envision, I don't want to slave all day long just to scrape a pass. As much as studies are concerned, I want to take breaks in between too. Some people are so good that they can juggle between friends, activities, studies, work and still score.

I am not that, unfortunately. I work myself off to get to where I am, which is not much.

Back to the issue of Economics. Generally, students agree that Economics is a hard major. But, they also say, if that's where your interest lies, you will have the passion to do well. To my horror, calculus and maths are part of economics.

What a bummer! I am hopeless in maths. I scraped pass A Maths, thinking I'll never get through that nightmare again.

I rather do well in something I have no interest in than to scrape a pass for something I am interested in. Really. To put another analogy, if you know for certain that it's a hard life you'll lead with someone, why do you still choose to marry him? Love can only get you that far.

Same here. I will only regret it if I make impulsive decisions. I used to make them in the past, but thankfully, I got out of the 'mess'.

Mind over heart. For too long, I have allow my heart to make decisions. I want to weigh the pros and cons of each potential decision before settling on the one that is the best for me in the long run.

Looking at all the courses, I don't know which to take. I am completely ruling out Engineering and Chemistry. Maths is out too, there is just something in me that can't handle maths, especially calculus.

We'll see, won't we?

Stuck

Another year. To go from an end to a start takes only a short transaction. But for a start to reach an end, wow, it takes ages.

Friday's night was a blast. We ate at Bakerzin at Jurong Point and played two rounds of bowling.

Sometimes, I amazed myself with my bowling skills. I do not have the strength to exactly swing the ball and roll, you see. My style is practically non-existence. However, I did manage to hit a score of 100, not bad for someone who play for a few times a year.

I still remembered that humiliating experience when I went for the bowling trial in my school.

After that, we went to TCC at Clarke Quay to pass time before making our way down to Marina Bay to be part of the crowds for the countdown.

The fireworks were beautiful, as always. It was a nightmare after that ended though, as expected that huge crowds were eager to be out and what was made worse was people pushing and squeezing.

I had my first anxiety attack of the year. Some inconsiderate people kept pushing and in my mind, I was thinking what will happen if there is a stampede. Or worse, given these unstable circumstances around the world, a bomb threat.

In the end, the roads that were cornered off by barricades were pushed aside by anxious people and we're literally stopping traffic. All the people, including us, flooded the roads, just like that. The traffic lights makes no difference as were the cars, since they were the ones not moving.

We got stuck in the middle of the road because it was another bottleneck in front. It was a traffic jam alright.

I witnessed a bus with passengers on it being pushed by a commuter and a couple of traffic police opening the road for it.

As most people swarmed to the nearby MRT station, we breathed a sign of relief as we got into our cars. Of course, we got caught in another jam but it wasn't as bad.

It was 2 am plus when we reached home. I can only imagine the conditions on the public transport. Phew, I was lucky enough not be one of the commuters.