Pre-U Jitters

Is it me, or everyone who face this?

I am graduating in 2 months time, gasp! The formal graduation ceremony will be in May but still, in 2 months!

Till today, I have not given much substantial thoughts on University. As much as I am paranoid, I still go by the concept of "living for the day". To me, it have been " I will think about it when the boat docks".

It's like secondary-tertiary drama again. People say "you only live once, so realise your dreams and lead your own life". However, there is also a saying of "you only live once, make the best out of it".

These two phases are different, no? One is saying you should be daring, dream and go far, fulfill your dreams to the fullest. On the other hand, you should planned out your path carefully, and not to make stupid mistakes.

Polytechnic-University is a phrase where it is the hardest to overcome. I made up my mind to go to a University when I was in secondary school, my goal is further cemented by my good results. It is not always smooth-sailing for me but I get by.

You think I don't want to choose what I like? For some reason, I find myself liking Economics and want to take that as a major. But, come to think of it, I think I'll pass. First, I don't have the confidence to do well.

You may think it's paranoid, but it's University. It's not child's play. It's not like secondary school where you can get through without much injuries, I know, I failed A Maths for nearly all 2 years until O levels. It's not even like polytechnic.

The fees for a semester in University is atrocious and I don't have the money to spend on finding my interest, thank you very much.

In the University life I envision, I don't want to slave all day long just to scrape a pass. As much as studies are concerned, I want to take breaks in between too. Some people are so good that they can juggle between friends, activities, studies, work and still score.

I am not that, unfortunately. I work myself off to get to where I am, which is not much.

Back to the issue of Economics. Generally, students agree that Economics is a hard major. But, they also say, if that's where your interest lies, you will have the passion to do well. To my horror, calculus and maths are part of economics.

What a bummer! I am hopeless in maths. I scraped pass A Maths, thinking I'll never get through that nightmare again.

I rather do well in something I have no interest in than to scrape a pass for something I am interested in. Really. To put another analogy, if you know for certain that it's a hard life you'll lead with someone, why do you still choose to marry him? Love can only get you that far.

Same here. I will only regret it if I make impulsive decisions. I used to make them in the past, but thankfully, I got out of the 'mess'.

Mind over heart. For too long, I have allow my heart to make decisions. I want to weigh the pros and cons of each potential decision before settling on the one that is the best for me in the long run.

Looking at all the courses, I don't know which to take. I am completely ruling out Engineering and Chemistry. Maths is out too, there is just something in me that can't handle maths, especially calculus.

We'll see, won't we?