It's nearly time for exams and I probably shouldn't be thinking about other stuff but I just have too much conflicting thoughts in my head. I think I will scream if I don't pen them down.
Being a Geography major, I really hate to categorize and stereotype people. However, I guess (Asian) parents will be (Asian) parents. No matter what, there will always be a generation gap between 'us' and 'them'. I am now at the crossroads of my life and truth be told, I am suffering badly from what is termed a "quarter-life crisis". I have little idea about the direction I want to go or should be going. No. I should probably say that I have ideas but I am facing roadblocks in the forms of myself, my parents and the society.
Graduating with a degree is more cumbersome than I thought. Instead of aiding me, my certificate is actually dragging me down. I am not regretting my University life because it was my goal and I achieved it. My Bachelor of Arts will always be my source of pride because I took a chance and did something different.
Herein lies the problem. My degree, by far, is not seen as "practical" by society. I've resigned myself to always have an answer when people ask me what I am going to do with it. Oh please! I did not study for monetary gains. I study because I am interested in the discipline and to build one's character. Too bad that Singapore's society is still mostly set in their traditional ways. What is aggravating and perhaps disappointing is that my parents are not infallible to those perceptions.
I'll take charge of my own life. I'll lead my own life. I'll certainly try to stay true to myself, my values and my beliefs. Why should I live the lives of others? Why should I change who I am and what I am comfortable with? Why should I conform to society norms? Why should I do what society dictates?
I would rather embrace my strengths and weaknesses and be content than to change so that I can earn more money. Now that I know my likes and dislikes, I should actually be seeking out jobs that fit me than to change myself to fit the jobs, right?! Whatever happens to "embrace the differences"? I will probably never feel comfortable to stand up and speak in front of an audience. If that is the case, why should I even make my life a living hell and seek jobs that entail that component?
Sigh, that's why I am not comfortable sharing stuff with my parents, especially serious stuff like job hunting. For one, I really haven't made up my mind yet and the last thing I want is having them telling me what to do. The other is that they will probably not empathize with me. I guess this is the way of the "adults". They are taking a "been there, done that" kind of attitude. I am so glad I took a motivational test and sought guidance from a career advisor. God knows where else I will get that kind of support. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly and I am blessed they have mostly been supportive of the things I do. Sometimes, boundaries just have to be made to ensure the sanity of everyone.
