It's nearly time for exams and I probably shouldn't be thinking about other stuff but I just have too much conflicting thoughts in my head. I think I will scream if I don't pen them down.
Being a Geography major, I really hate to categorize and stereotype people. However, I guess (Asian) parents will be (Asian) parents. No matter what, there will always be a generation gap between 'us' and 'them'. I am now at the crossroads of my life and truth be told, I am suffering badly from what is termed a "quarter-life crisis". I have little idea about the direction I want to go or should be going. No. I should probably say that I have ideas but I am facing roadblocks in the forms of myself, my parents and the society.
Graduating with a degree is more cumbersome than I thought. Instead of aiding me, my certificate is actually dragging me down. I am not regretting my University life because it was my goal and I achieved it. My Bachelor of Arts will always be my source of pride because I took a chance and did something different.
Herein lies the problem. My degree, by far, is not seen as "practical" by society. I've resigned myself to always have an answer when people ask me what I am going to do with it. Oh please! I did not study for monetary gains. I study because I am interested in the discipline and to build one's character. Too bad that Singapore's society is still mostly set in their traditional ways. What is aggravating and perhaps disappointing is that my parents are not infallible to those perceptions.
I'll take charge of my own life. I'll lead my own life. I'll certainly try to stay true to myself, my values and my beliefs. Why should I live the lives of others? Why should I change who I am and what I am comfortable with? Why should I conform to society norms? Why should I do what society dictates?
I would rather embrace my strengths and weaknesses and be content than to change so that I can earn more money. Now that I know my likes and dislikes, I should actually be seeking out jobs that fit me than to change myself to fit the jobs, right?! Whatever happens to "embrace the differences"? I will probably never feel comfortable to stand up and speak in front of an audience. If that is the case, why should I even make my life a living hell and seek jobs that entail that component?
Sigh, that's why I am not comfortable sharing stuff with my parents, especially serious stuff like job hunting. For one, I really haven't made up my mind yet and the last thing I want is having them telling me what to do. The other is that they will probably not empathize with me. I guess this is the way of the "adults". They are taking a "been there, done that" kind of attitude. I am so glad I took a motivational test and sought guidance from a career advisor. God knows where else I will get that kind of support. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly and I am blessed they have mostly been supportive of the things I do. Sometimes, boundaries just have to be made to ensure the sanity of everyone.
Showing posts with label university. Show all posts
Showing posts with label university. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Commiserate
A few more days to exams, and then I will be free! I can almost taste the freedom despite being in this critical period of revision.
I daresay I am kind of, not giving up, but just a reluctance to study because everything is so boring. I don't mind studying or doing assignment (much) but asking me to sit through exams is really hateful. There is so much uncertainty and insecurity with exams. Why should the stakes be so high on a single component? There is so much that could go wrong.
Maybe this is my second last semester in University. Maybe I am just sick of studying and mugging. I truly enjoy myself this semester, with newly made friends from Thailand field study. This is the semester where I don't feel lonely, where I can hang out with friends, eat lunch, commiserate and do project(s) together. However, this is also the semester where the modules I picked are pretty awful. I barely feel rested after 6 weeks in Thailand when the semester started so there's a feeling of losing out on the summer holidays.
That's why I intend to make full use of the December holidays and simply relax and (finally) do the things I want. My last semester will be the beautiful finale.
I daresay I am kind of, not giving up, but just a reluctance to study because everything is so boring. I don't mind studying or doing assignment (much) but asking me to sit through exams is really hateful. There is so much uncertainty and insecurity with exams. Why should the stakes be so high on a single component? There is so much that could go wrong.
Maybe this is my second last semester in University. Maybe I am just sick of studying and mugging. I truly enjoy myself this semester, with newly made friends from Thailand field study. This is the semester where I don't feel lonely, where I can hang out with friends, eat lunch, commiserate and do project(s) together. However, this is also the semester where the modules I picked are pretty awful. I barely feel rested after 6 weeks in Thailand when the semester started so there's a feeling of losing out on the summer holidays.
That's why I intend to make full use of the December holidays and simply relax and (finally) do the things I want. My last semester will be the beautiful finale.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Exams
Oh bother, this is hateful.
It's that time of the year again where it's time to prepare for exams.
It's that time of the year again where it's time to prepare for exams.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Time to say Goodbye
This is probably my last post before I leave Singapore tomorrow afternoon.
Despite all my pessimism, misgivings and doubts, as long as I remember I chose this path because I am exchanging 6 weeks of summer holidays for 2 semesters of easier time, I should be fine. As the saying goes, "as you made your bed, so you must lie on it". Nobody forces me into making this decision and I vow to be brave about it. On the other hand, "bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity".
Seriously though, why am I crying as I write this entry? I am prone to histrionics and am melancholic in nature.
That's why I hate goodbyes, more so, long goodbyes. But now, it's time to say goodbye to Singapore, to my family, to my home, to my room, to my bed and all the things I've taken for granted. This will be the first and last time so I shall try to cherish it. I won't fail, will I?
Catch you on the flip side.
Despite all my pessimism, misgivings and doubts, as long as I remember I chose this path because I am exchanging 6 weeks of summer holidays for 2 semesters of easier time, I should be fine. As the saying goes, "as you made your bed, so you must lie on it". Nobody forces me into making this decision and I vow to be brave about it. On the other hand, "bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity".
Seriously though, why am I crying as I write this entry? I am prone to histrionics and am melancholic in nature.
That's why I hate goodbyes, more so, long goodbyes. But now, it's time to say goodbye to Singapore, to my family, to my home, to my room, to my bed and all the things I've taken for granted. This will be the first and last time so I shall try to cherish it. I won't fail, will I?
Catch you on the flip side.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Count the seconds till I'm home (with you)
2 more days till I leave Singapore!
It's still pretty surreal to me even though I am in the midst of packing.
When I wake up during the night, I thought to myself, it will be 6 weeks later before I get to sleep in my beautiful bed, under my new duvet with the air-conditioner on, surrounded by my Angry Birds toys. Will I even be comfortable going to the toilet in the middle of the night, especially during the home-stays? Will I feel safe?
I have to bid goodbye to all the comforts I have taken for granted, both provided by the country and home. I can't walk around in shorts and T-shirt and go to the nearest shopping mall to buy things. I can't even eat my favourite/comfort food. The gist of it is I can't be myself. I'll have to put up an act and 'entertain' people all day long, even at night. I, who value my freedom of expression, having to curb myself and rely on others' whims and moods.
To be more efficient in managing and passing the time, I have devise a method through psychological means. Time is divided into pre-, post- and everything else just falls under "during". I tend to concentrate on pre- and post- event, because the act itself is often short and quick (like ripping off a plaster). Isn't it true for examinations, projects deadlines and what not? I've planned what I intend to do when I return on the 27th of July, down to the first meal I'll be having upon arrival (McDonalds, in case you are wondering).
I've divided the entire field studies into first and last 3 weeks. I reckon the first 3 weeks will be the worst. Once July is here, it will truly be a countdown till departure.
If all else fails, countdown clocks are the best psychological weapons. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than watching the days gone by. Each day that is done will bring me one day closer to Singapore again.
When studying becomes a chore and the modules pose no interest to you, you know it's time to close that chapter. Thus, one more year.
It's still pretty surreal to me even though I am in the midst of packing.
When I wake up during the night, I thought to myself, it will be 6 weeks later before I get to sleep in my beautiful bed, under my new duvet with the air-conditioner on, surrounded by my Angry Birds toys. Will I even be comfortable going to the toilet in the middle of the night, especially during the home-stays? Will I feel safe?
I have to bid goodbye to all the comforts I have taken for granted, both provided by the country and home. I can't walk around in shorts and T-shirt and go to the nearest shopping mall to buy things. I can't even eat my favourite/comfort food. The gist of it is I can't be myself. I'll have to put up an act and 'entertain' people all day long, even at night. I, who value my freedom of expression, having to curb myself and rely on others' whims and moods.
To be more efficient in managing and passing the time, I have devise a method through psychological means. Time is divided into pre-, post- and everything else just falls under "during". I tend to concentrate on pre- and post- event, because the act itself is often short and quick (like ripping off a plaster). Isn't it true for examinations, projects deadlines and what not? I've planned what I intend to do when I return on the 27th of July, down to the first meal I'll be having upon arrival (McDonalds, in case you are wondering).
I've divided the entire field studies into first and last 3 weeks. I reckon the first 3 weeks will be the worst. Once July is here, it will truly be a countdown till departure.
If all else fails, countdown clocks are the best psychological weapons. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than watching the days gone by. Each day that is done will bring me one day closer to Singapore again.
When studying becomes a chore and the modules pose no interest to you, you know it's time to close that chapter. Thus, one more year.
Monday, June 03, 2013
Countdown
Woah, why is June moving so fast?! It's already the 3rd!
In just 12 days I will be leaving Singapore and that thought is both depressing and poignant. Essentially, I will losing 1 month this year; July. July will be practically non-existence for me. Oh, I will be deeply aware of each passing day. The question is will I be able to enjoy each day or will it just be a countdown? A strike for each day till I am home again.
In just 12 days I will be leaving Singapore and that thought is both depressing and poignant. Essentially, I will losing 1 month this year; July. July will be practically non-existence for me. Oh, I will be deeply aware of each passing day. The question is will I be able to enjoy each day or will it just be a countdown? A strike for each day till I am home again.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Phobia
Was feeling rather sorry for myself last night and so I cried. Sometimes, you just have to let the tears flow to feel better. My right arm hurts so badly that I doubted I slept a wink. This is why I hate pain and to a larger extent, needles. I would even further to diagnose myself with Angliophobia.
This is also why I avoid getting injuries as much as possible, hence, a sedentary lifestyle. This is why I would never go for tattoos or unnecessary invasive treatments. I would rather live with my not-so-nice teeth than to go for braces. Who doesn't like the perfect set of teeth? But the last thing I need is to subject myself to teeth extraction. Life isn't perfect and I am content to be ordinary.
This brings me to the purpose of this post. Yesterday, I gritted my teeth to go for immunisations as part of the Thailand field studies. The last time I went for an injection was back in Primary 6, when I was 12. Out of the 3 vaccinations, I did 2 in my right arm. As for the last one, I 'chickened' out.
Sigh, the things I do for studies. This will be the first and probably the last time I will willingly subject myself to the pain of injections. I need that pot of anesthetic cream.
This is also why I avoid getting injuries as much as possible, hence, a sedentary lifestyle. This is why I would never go for tattoos or unnecessary invasive treatments. I would rather live with my not-so-nice teeth than to go for braces. Who doesn't like the perfect set of teeth? But the last thing I need is to subject myself to teeth extraction. Life isn't perfect and I am content to be ordinary.
This brings me to the purpose of this post. Yesterday, I gritted my teeth to go for immunisations as part of the Thailand field studies. The last time I went for an injection was back in Primary 6, when I was 12. Out of the 3 vaccinations, I did 2 in my right arm. As for the last one, I 'chickened' out.
Sigh, the things I do for studies. This will be the first and probably the last time I will willingly subject myself to the pain of injections. I need that pot of anesthetic cream.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Soon-ish
2 more weeks of summer holidays before the field studies in Thailand.
Oh god, this is still too surreal for me. The fact that I am leaving my comfortable life still has yet to sink in. I have a feeling once I left Golden Mile Complex on the bus, the pangs of homesickness will truly hit.
I don't really put much emphasis on preparing for what will happen during the entire programme, what will always take precedence is the pre- and post-trip activities. That's how I work, be it for leisure or academic.
I think about the small comforts I can bring along with me. I think about what I will do when the plane lands in Singapore on the 27th July night. I think about the plans made for August before another semester starts.
Oh god, this is still too surreal for me. The fact that I am leaving my comfortable life still has yet to sink in. I have a feeling once I left Golden Mile Complex on the bus, the pangs of homesickness will truly hit.
I don't really put much emphasis on preparing for what will happen during the entire programme, what will always take precedence is the pre- and post-trip activities. That's how I work, be it for leisure or academic.
I think about the small comforts I can bring along with me. I think about what I will do when the plane lands in Singapore on the 27th July night. I think about the plans made for August before another semester starts.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Post-Examinations
It's kind of anti-climatic actually. One moment I was fretting about the last physical geography examination and 2 hours later, it was over. Summer is finally here!
The best part of the examination period is keeping the notes, not quite forever but locking that memory in one of the rooms within your "mind palace".
Year 2 is over for me. A few weeks from now, I will going for my special semester 2 field studies module. If and when I survive the 6 weeks ordeal, my life will be made slightly easier in Year 3.
6 weeks of holidays in exchange for one year of easier time is worth it, isn't it? I don't want to sound ungrateful but sometimes, I doubt my decision. Besides, I hate how the committee sounds like we should be falling over our feet in gratitude for the opportunity given. Are you kidding me? It's not as if the whole trip is truly subsidised or that we are staying in some pretty hotels.
Friday, May 10, 2013
22 years
Now that it is 12.02AM, it's Happy Birthday to moi!
22 years in existence and I hope everything will just go smoothly for me.
On a more awesome note, my examinations are finally over, after dragging on for 3 weeks! Liberty has never been sweeter or well-deserved! Regardless of the grades I will get, I am glad to learn many new concepts and ideas and questioned what people have been taken for granted. This is the one aspect I like about Geography as a discipline. It explores areas which can be touchy or "out of sight" to many people.
I shall enjoy the few days of summer holidays before I leave for a 6-week Thailand trip which is going to my life.
22 years in existence and I hope everything will just go smoothly for me.
On a more awesome note, my examinations are finally over, after dragging on for 3 weeks! Liberty has never been sweeter or well-deserved! Regardless of the grades I will get, I am glad to learn many new concepts and ideas and questioned what people have been taken for granted. This is the one aspect I like about Geography as a discipline. It explores areas which can be touchy or "out of sight" to many people.
I shall enjoy the few days of summer holidays before I leave for a 6-week Thailand trip which is going to my life.
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
A Nasty Surprise
I freaking hate shocks or should I say, nasty surprises. When I plan something, it is literally written in stone and to ask me to change the date or time, it is screwing up with my planner.
And this is why I am extremely pissed off when I saw the latest news about lengthening the stay in Thailand for field studies. It was originally put on 24th July and so, I booked my very advanced tickets for The Phantom of the Opera tickets on the 27th, a Saturday.
I thought I've given myself enough buffer time but no, I saw that the arrival date has changed, tentatively, to 27th July. Are you f***ing kidding me?! I did not just spend nearly $300 worth of B res tickets to be UNABLE to attend the musical, OK? Not only are those tickets not refundable, they are also considered prime seats!
Even if I am willing to fork out extra cash, there is no longer any choice seats left. I can't leave that god-forsaken place early so the only thing I can now is to book another ticket on another day. I will just have to work more hours to pay for it. The other 'bad' plan is to hope that it's an early morning flight and I get to arrive to Singapore before 2pm.
Seriously thinking whether I have made the right decision in going to Thailand for 6 weeks. (6 weeks!) Not 1 or 2 but 6 arduous weeks of toughing out in the countryside. I am a born-and-raised urbanite. Living in the countryside is what I envision for a short getaway from the hustle and bustle of the city life. 6 weeks will be enough to 'kill' me.
For the greater good, they always say. I am sacrificing my last summer holidays to experience another world altogether, all in the name of education.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Week 13
It's that time of the semester again where things are wrapped up and you start to have fondness for the lecturers. Week 13 is here, again. After the past few weeks of hectic rushing for projects, essays and what not, it's the calm before the storm.
Looking back, I can't believe I survive March and some parts of April. When push comes to shove, you'll be surprised at what you can accomplish. I surprise myself sometimes with the things I thought I cannot do but I did it anyway.
That's why it is said that the human mind is resilient. We adapt, we cope, we bounce back in times of adversity.
I distinctly remembered the start of the semester when I broke out in cold sweat after reading through the continuous assignments' specifications. "How on earth am I going to write another argumentative essay?!" I questioned myself. "What on earth is an annotated bibliography?" I asked myself. But looked, I finished all the assignments, am alive and well, albeit tired (I did lose a few nights of sleep).
The end of April marks the start of my final examinations and I really want to start my revision early. Less procrastination and more work, eh? Too bad I am a master procrastinator. I used to tell myself that word doesn't exist in my dictionary. Alas, that's not the case now.
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Afternoons
This is why I hate afternoon lessons. The energy just seems to be sapped away from me and I am in no mood to study for my test.
I just need to survive March and the first couple weeks of April. If I get through this tedious period, I will come out stronger (maybe not).
I just need to survive March and the first couple weeks of April. If I get through this tedious period, I will come out stronger (maybe not).
Sunday, March 03, 2013
End of recess week
And my recess week just ended...
It's back to usual tomorrow and it's be 7 weeks before I can see the sun again. One of the main reasons I dread about the resuming of the semester is all the assignments deadlines. I have assignments due literally every week and I'm kind of screwed this time.
There are 2 essays to be written! Two! I used to struggle with just 1.
Of course, I have this nasty "creative" presentation to be done with the group members. Apparently, the professor wants to be entertained by students generally making a fool of themselves. I don't get it why can't it be the usual, "boring" powerpoint presentation.
Sighs, this is irritating and frustrating. I am in dire need of a "real break"- whereby I don't have to worry about anything that has to do with work/studies.
It's back to usual tomorrow and it's be 7 weeks before I can see the sun again. One of the main reasons I dread about the resuming of the semester is all the assignments deadlines. I have assignments due literally every week and I'm kind of screwed this time.
There are 2 essays to be written! Two! I used to struggle with just 1.
Of course, I have this nasty "creative" presentation to be done with the group members. Apparently, the professor wants to be entertained by students generally making a fool of themselves. I don't get it why can't it be the usual, "boring" powerpoint presentation.
Sighs, this is irritating and frustrating. I am in dire need of a "real break"- whereby I don't have to worry about anything that has to do with work/studies.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Start of the semester
So, the semester starts, whether I wanted it or not.
My timetable is pretty good yet bad at the same time. I have a three-day week on odd weeks and four-day week on even weeks so that's great. On the other hand, I have to endure the morning rush-hour for my 10am classes and evening rush-hour after my 6pm lectures. Each trip home is horrible and sometimes, suffocating. Of course, when people are pushing and shoving, tempers are bound to rise.
I especially like the fact that weekends come early because I'm free on Fridays. Last Friday, it was shopping with my mother at Orchard in preparation for the upcoming Lunar New Year. It was a fun day which I haven't had in ages. Shopping on weekdays has its peaks, two of which are the staff being more attentive to one needs and the fitting rooms being relatively free.
Speaking of Lunar New Year, it is less than a month away! I'm already in the festive mood or should I say, I've never got over the "festive hangover" from Christmas last year. I am feeling rather positive and as always, a hint of nostalgia as we all aged one year.
My timetable is pretty good yet bad at the same time. I have a three-day week on odd weeks and four-day week on even weeks so that's great. On the other hand, I have to endure the morning rush-hour for my 10am classes and evening rush-hour after my 6pm lectures. Each trip home is horrible and sometimes, suffocating. Of course, when people are pushing and shoving, tempers are bound to rise.
I especially like the fact that weekends come early because I'm free on Fridays. Last Friday, it was shopping with my mother at Orchard in preparation for the upcoming Lunar New Year. It was a fun day which I haven't had in ages. Shopping on weekdays has its peaks, two of which are the staff being more attentive to one needs and the fitting rooms being relatively free.
Speaking of Lunar New Year, it is less than a month away! I'm already in the festive mood or should I say, I've never got over the "festive hangover" from Christmas last year. I am feeling rather positive and as always, a hint of nostalgia as we all aged one year.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Pre-semester Stress Disorder
Oh. My. Goodness.
My heart just raced ahead when I saw how much work there is waiting for me when the new semester starts. And I thought to myself, why am I doing this again? Oh right, I need the degree certificate to aid my life.
Going to a local university has got to be a wrong decision on my part. But, I just want to be that few percentage of Polytechnic graduates who get to go to a local University, to show that I can make it too. If I get emotional over it, so be it. I have no choice but to grit my teeth and go along. It will be worth it in the end, wouldn't it? At least I get to be an undergraduate and wear the gown, right? At least, there is a sense of pride when I said I'm from XXX.
As the saying goes, "when Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade".
God, I feel pathetic to be so affected by academia, just when the government and society is downplaying on academic achievements. I should be letting go! This is my second last year in an educational institution, for goodness sake! Why am I still so strung up about grades and projects?! Why indeed?
I need a therapist.
My heart just raced ahead when I saw how much work there is waiting for me when the new semester starts. And I thought to myself, why am I doing this again? Oh right, I need the degree certificate to aid my life.
Going to a local university has got to be a wrong decision on my part. But, I just want to be that few percentage of Polytechnic graduates who get to go to a local University, to show that I can make it too. If I get emotional over it, so be it. I have no choice but to grit my teeth and go along. It will be worth it in the end, wouldn't it? At least I get to be an undergraduate and wear the gown, right? At least, there is a sense of pride when I said I'm from XXX.
As the saying goes, "when Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade".
God, I feel pathetic to be so affected by academia, just when the government and society is downplaying on academic achievements. I should be letting go! This is my second last year in an educational institution, for goodness sake! Why am I still so strung up about grades and projects?! Why indeed?
I need a therapist.
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Bad news for brainwork
Oh god, I'm going to die.
I'm left with two papers and my brain is failing me. Doubt is a powerful enemy and I'm doubting my brainwork right now. Getting another C is better than failing. I can't believe I am thinking about failing. Failing is not an option, not now, not ever.
What I need now is a mind palace of my own or better yet, a bottle of felix felicis. I am going to need all the luck I could get tomorrow and the day after.
To think I thought that this semester is going to be better. Once again, I find myself getting stuck on the edge of the cliff.
If only I could be a little more happy-go-lucky, with a devil-may-care attitude. I'm going to hyperventilate tonight.
I'm left with two papers and my brain is failing me. Doubt is a powerful enemy and I'm doubting my brainwork right now. Getting another C is better than failing. I can't believe I am thinking about failing. Failing is not an option, not now, not ever.
What I need now is a mind palace of my own or better yet, a bottle of felix felicis. I am going to need all the luck I could get tomorrow and the day after.
To think I thought that this semester is going to be better. Once again, I find myself getting stuck on the edge of the cliff.
If only I could be a little more happy-go-lucky, with a devil-may-care attitude. I'm going to hyperventilate tonight.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Reading Week
Finally, it's reading week! The break where mostly everyone will be mugging/studying for the final exams.
No matter my grades, I'm glad to say that for the first time since I went into the University, I've not felt lonely. This semester has been so much better than the last two. I'm glad to have friends for the "first time".
This year is about to end and I've fallen so much behind in terms of blogging. Oh well, I'll buck up for December when I will go to Europe. Only 18 more days now!
No matter my grades, I'm glad to say that for the first time since I went into the University, I've not felt lonely. This semester has been so much better than the last two. I'm glad to have friends for the "first time".
This year is about to end and I've fallen so much behind in terms of blogging. Oh well, I'll buck up for December when I will go to Europe. Only 18 more days now!
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Haunted
Haunted by deadlines and my own incompetence.
Seriously wondering if University is a good choice in the first place, not that I'm quitting, of course. One simply can't just quit in Singapore. You grit your teeth, nod and smile. You hang in there.
Despite all these sayings and debates about paper-chase, stress and exams, you know the industry don't work like that. There's still a need to produce that certificate to show the "effort" you put in, well, unless you are your own boss.
Is sodding a bad word?
Seriously wondering if University is a good choice in the first place, not that I'm quitting, of course. One simply can't just quit in Singapore. You grit your teeth, nod and smile. You hang in there.
Despite all these sayings and debates about paper-chase, stress and exams, you know the industry don't work like that. There's still a need to produce that certificate to show the "effort" you put in, well, unless you are your own boss.
Is sodding a bad word?
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