Failure to Thrive

It's almost the end of my first semester in the University and the one thing that I dread most is looming on the horizon - finals.

I've never face such uncertainty till now. For some reason, I don't think I am doing all that well in Uni. Could it be that my luck has run out or that I have reached my limits in terms of education? Could it be that "inferiority complex" is dragging me down or that I've too high expectations?

I feel like I am struggling to stay afloat all this while. Maybe I am too harsh on myself. Maybe all these negativity is getting me down.

Perhaps my years in Poly had 'spoilt' me, afterall I was considered to be a better-than-average student then. Polytechnic was the pinnacle of my education, it was my most successful and the most rewarding. Maybe after all that high, things will be difficult to match up.

I wasn't kidding when I said that a failure will seriously damaged my morale and confidence. And I did just that - failing my Economics mid-sem test. I never fail since Secondary 4!

The Lion King musical

I'm really glad that I'm able to catch one of the last few shows of The Lion King at Marina Bay Sands. I've always wanted to go, and now that it is leaving Singapore, there is no time to waste.

My uncle helped to book the tickets and with a group rate, the tickets for C reserve were cheaper. We ate dinner at Rasapura and I must say, the IR still impressed me.

It was a sell-out show with lots of kids and parents turning up. There were also school children in their uniforms turning up in classes. A single ticket costs quite a lot and they certainly have the means to do so. Perhaps, their school did sponsor them?

With good sense, we checked out the theatre shop before the show because it will be teaming with people when the show is over. I bought a pin which has the lion king logo on it and the event booklet which costs S$15.

It is a captivating show and the costumes are simply stunning! The songs are sung powerfully and the score with its African origins haunting. The portrayal of the animals are quite realistic. The lion masks were extremely detailed and beautifully hand-crafted.

The Lion King defines theatre and I think many people will be surprised that plays can be as good as films.

This is a showcase of what theatre can be: taking an epic tale and adapting it onto the stage. Theatre has that certain charm and "human touch" that films do not have. Knowing that there is only one chance to make it right and getting a standing ovation, it is not something you can get from a film.

During the 2 and 1/2 hours show, the theatre was transformed into the African plains with leaping antelopes, stately giraffes, and sleek leopard. The stage exploded into a myriad of colours and it is certainly a feast for the eyes. The backdrops are magnificent and lighting and music ties everything together nicely.

I'm happy that my parents got a chance to watch it as well, after much cajoling from us. Seize the day, that's how the saying goes. Who knows when will the broadway show be in Singapore again?

Viva La Liberte

I'm free! Well, not really. But this is as close as it gets.

I'm done with the social work project which I have been ranting about for days. I'm done with the presentation as well which is miles apart from what I used to do in Poly.

I don't do last minute work. Therefore, I cannot stand it when some people came along and change my views. I'm ashamed by my own actions, you know? I've done quite a lot so why is it I'm feeling guilty? Is it because I slept when the others were doing till the wee morning? But, I have done my fair share of work.

It's definitely a culture shock. I promise myself I will never do anything like this again.

I'm left with one last project for economics and then it's time for the examinations. It's going to be another headache and heartache.

Crunch Time

When Life gives you lemons, what will you do? Will you make lemonade? Or will you throw the lemons back?

Once again, it's that time of the school term where things get piled up and you have to do whatever it takes to clear them. It's crunch time.

There's a ball of sunshine waiting for me on the other side, but I have to cross the hurdles first. I have to get over the painful parts before getting the reward. Gosh, the phrase "so near yet so far" has never been more true than this.

Next week is the worst of the lot. On Monday, I've to hand up Social Work reflection paper. On Tuesday, it's History essay. On Friday, I've a term test for South Asian Studies which is drab. The following Monday, there's Social Work group project to be handed up.

Out of the four, the ones I'm most worried about is the group project because we have not FREAKING started! I'm wondering if I associate myself with the wrong group. I thought they are pretty OK people, but last minute work is not my cup of tea.

There is barely a week left, oh god.

Mid-semester Tests

I am woefully behind in updating since the weeks have been hectic.

I did my first ever mid-semester test in the University on 3rd October, and even though I really put in a lot of effort, the difficulty of the paper killed me.

I got stuck doing MCQs and when I realised I spent too much time on that, I quickly jumped to the short-answer questions. I was slowly doing question 1 and when it was announced that there were only 15 minutes left, I panicked and the rest was history.

My mind went blank and I literally feel cold sweat breaking out. I have never ever experience such a thing before. I scribbled what I can and did the few MCQs left without much thinking. I will be lucky if I pass, that is how bad it is.

I didn't have much time to study for history test which took place the next day. However, I feel that I have done quite alright. We'll see when the results are back. There must be at least one test where I have to do well. If not, it's a double-whammy to my self.

In the Thick of Things

The weeks just past in a blur. It's week 6 now and what have I done? The nightmare has began when I saw all the due dates and the amount of projects I have to do. It's time to get into the thick of things.

I'm really not adapting well into University. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a "model" student. I never was and never will be. I hate to use the word, but I procrastinate too much. 'Tomorrow' is such a beautiful word. But, I can't stand last-minute work too.

I miss TP very much as well as my former group members. I miss the group meetings we had and the hours of discussions about business matters. If there is one thing I got out of University, it is that I finally know what I like.

I like the business viewpoint and how different companies use strategies to grow. I like the practicability of the business world. Above all, I miss the business projects in my entrepreneurship classes.

So then, the question is, did I regret taking Arts and Social Sciences? Perhaps regret is too harsh a word, although sometimes, I find myself questioning my choice. Ultimately, it's my choice.

I don't know if choosing Business Administration at SMU will mean that I will be happier because at that time, I feel jaded about continuing with business. I mean, I hate to go through Organisation Behaviour and Marketing all over again.

Ten Years On

A decade since the 9/11 attack in New York, USA. It was an event that changed the world and how terrorism had been such a direct hit to humanity.

A decade and the world isn't an easier place to live in.

So much had happen and yet nothing seem to have change. The world is facing an uphill task to combat terrorism and extremists. There is nothing more critical than the situation the world is facing now, what with the financial crisis and battle against terror groups.

I remembered I was in Primary 4 when the news first broke out. Like so many others, I watched in utmost shock at the captured scenes where the hijacked planes crashed into the twin towers and the subsequent collapses. It seemed like a bad dream then.

10 years on, I am Year 1 in University. The heartbreak of those who lost their love ones are still keen in their hearts and minds.

We should all take this special day to commemorate and remember those who lost their lives and sacrificed. It was a day of memorial.

Letting Go

Darn it. I've got to learn how to let go. I have to realise I can't get everything I want and that not everything has to go my way.

Why then is it so hard for me to do that? Hey, if there are people better than me, I've no problem letting them take charge. The problem arises when I know that I'm right and I have better ideas. My stakes are high and that's why I must make sure things are on the right track. It's hard to take a step back and look at the issue without a critical eye.

For some reason, some of the slogans that a group member suggests get on me. Having study tourism before and did projects on it, I have to say I have greater experience and knowledge on the topic. Afterall, my former group was steered to great results.

We'll see about this issue tomorrow. Hopefully, the group can choose something great and broad based. I hate to be the "bad guy".

Perhaps, there are times when I'll have to condescend. Sighs, this is not the way I want to do things but group work is all about give and take.

I miss my Poly project group more than ever when I see the depressing way I go about tackling projects at University. I don't know the different people well enough to have the right dynamics.

Week 5

So, it's week 5 since the start of University. Time sure pass by, but I still feel like it's only the beginning.

I feel like a zombie sometimes, just going through the paces. I don't know what is wrong but I don't feel like I am adapting as well as I should.

I miss the days where group project members are your friends as well and there are plenty of chances to have lunch and trade ideas together. Here, in University, group project members are merely acquaintances, whereby you meet a couple of times to get whatever projects done up. It's all for mutual benefit.

Tutorials are kind of drab. In Poly, one see the tutor once a week and the tutor are friendly as in you can always consult them. In University, there are classes where you see the tutor once a fortnight and it's very touch-and-go. It gives the feeling that you just can't wait for it to end.

Maybe I am jaded about school but I'll give in my best to make this work.

Best Man Wins

It was not until the wee hours of Sunday's morning that the results of the Presidential Elections were out and it was because there was a recount of votes. Indeed, it was a close-fight between Dr Tony Tan and Dr Tan Cheng Bock. Ultimately, Dr Tony Tan is Singapore's new President.

It was a close call but thank goodness for small wonders. Sensibility won by a small percentage.

After all the fuss, I'm glad that we'll have relative peace for the next 6 years. I have enough of the personal attacks and undermining of the ruling party efforts.

This is the upward trend that is going to afflict Singapore for years to come: more and more people voting for the opposition and those affiliated with them. There is no stopping this wave. There is and will be increasing fragmentation in the society where the line is draw between 2 camps; supporters of the ruling party and those who are not.

I can't help but feel that as Singapore and the world progresses, humanity is lost. The world according to some people consists of themselves and their houses. They can only see how can this and that benefit me, how can my self-interest be met.

What I want my President To Be

I want the President of Singapore to be a person with experience, dignity and ability to represent Singapore on the world stage. He must be a person who can hold his own in front of foreign dignitaries and head-of-states. He have to be Singapore's top diplomat.

I can hardly care for the "incentives" the candidates promise to bring to the people because how true that will be, no one knows. Let's be honest, where will he get the money to provide additional incentives to NS men and the lot? Out of his own pocket? Besides, how long do you think he can carry out this? One year, or maybe two?

These ideas are short-sighted and the people who vote because they can only see the benefits and care for their self-interests are completely irrational. Is that the kind of president they want? One who promises them "goodies" and an "alternate voice"?

It's disappointing that despite continuous emphasis on the role and duties of the president, there are people who just cannot look past their prejudices and tinted glasses. Their dislike for the ruling party spilled over to that of presidential elections.

On another note, is the ruling party of Singapore that bad? With the way things are going, you'd think that the party has done a great deal of injustice to Singaporeans.

If these people are really that disappointed with the system here, they ought to be shipped to Libya, where they can experience "true political injustice" and political unrest.

Furthermore, they are an ungrateful lot, I must say. Reaping in the benefits and yet pointing fingers when things are not up to their liking. The ruling party is not perfect, but they have done Singapore proud. They have provide accountability to the citizens all these years.

That being said, I am not confusing the role of the president with that of the Parliament or the ruling party. I am merely making things clear.

Surviving University

University is not all it's cracked up to be. It's stressful and full of apprehension. My main goal is to survive and do well and graduate with a degree. The other things are just secondary.

I know why they say University life is lonely and it's true that you won't have deep friendships. Everyone is rushing to their own classes and lectures and to put in unkind term, for self benefits. It's almost like "making use" of people for that one module.

Oh well, my main concern is whether I can survive these uncharted waters that is the first semester. It's crucial to do well because it will give me the confidence I need to endure the next 5 semesters. On the other hand, it will crush me if I fail to do well and meet my expectations.

I'm not even thinking honours right now because it all depends on how I do and how well I can adjust to University life. I'll cross the bridge when the time comes.

Confidence for the Future?

It's not whether I have confidence for the future, it's I have no confidence in the people of Singapore. With recent happenings, one have to wonder if our values is starting to erode and deteriorate.

Presidential elections will be here on the 27th of August.

I have this thought that since the President of Singapore is supposed to be just and above the parliment that maybe, there will be not be that much protest about whether he was formerly part of the ruling party. But, I was wrong. Some people are still narrow-minded, short-sighted and hard-headed.

Despite re-emphasising on the role of the President, people and even some Presidential candidates seem not to get the gist of it. Maybe, they seek to change the system or play up citizens' feelings and expectations?

The President of Singapore is mostly a figurehead, I would have thought that is established by now. To put it bluntly, he will be a "puppet". The Prime Minister has the power of the government, whether you like it or not.

Don't make empty promises like promising to change this and that and raise expectations. Is this considered misleading? I know that some citizens are fired up by the thoughts of bringing changes but they are going to be disappointed.

Time and again, various parties have stated that 'keeping an eye' on the government is the opposition party's job, not that of a President.

Past and recent examples show that 'thinking of doing something' is almost always not the same of doing it. For example, one can say he will cut taxes but in reality, he will find that it's easier said than done.

Besides, one of the main duty of a president is to be a diplomat. He will be the one whom other head of states will meet.Needless to say, there has to be a certain bearing and demeanour in the way the President conduct himself to be a representation of Singapore. The way one speaks and carries himself will reflect on the image of Singapore. And let's be honest, first impressions do count.

I like the way an editor puts it, don't hide under the axiom "Let Singaporeans decide".

Not Rocket Science

Social work as a module is not my cup of tea.

First of all, I'm not exactly a person who is able to relate to people's problems easily. Empathy and compassion are not my strong points. I'm not a touchy-feely kind of person. I'm not comfortable working with people, period.

I'm an introvert who value privacy and me time. Asking me to delve deep into others' problems makes me uncomfortable and gives me creeps. I don't like people prying into my business and vice versa.

When a classmate cried for some reason in the past, while others would surge forward to comfort her, I would hang back, because I believe that the real comfort is to cry in peace and not have a group of people crowding into your space. It just makes you feel more rotten. That's my way of thinking anyway. There's no wrong or right, right?

A social worker encompasses everything I'm not. I don't know how to approach a problem and lend a comfort hand. I can 'hmmm' and 'ahhh' at the right time, that's all.

Anyway, I only choose this module because I need to fulfil the requirements and there aren't many choices left to choose from. It's a simple reason and it's not rocket science. I'm not "changing the world" or "making thr world a better place".

Anti-climatic

Yesterday was the second day back to school, or more appropriately, University. I would say it's quite anti-climatic. With all hype surrounding University, I had thought that things will be a little more "exciting" but no, it's just normal.

Perhaps, I will worry again when the tutorials start proper. Afterall, projects are a big deal and I am really scared that I will end up with less-than stellar group members.

A friend told me that University can be lonely and I can see why. There is no fixed class, therefore, a friend for this tutorial does not mean she will be there for the other tutorial. We are all drifting souls, going from one place to another.

I realise that since the end of Polytechnic, I have been worrying non-stop throughout the months of holidays.

First, I worried about not getting offers from Universities. Then, I worried about whether I made the right choice in not choosing SMU Business. After which, I worried about whether Arts and Social Sciences is a good choice and whether the major I intended to do would be a good track for me. Now, I have to worry about all sorts of miscellaneous stuff; group members, exams, projects, tutorials, locations for classes, printing services etc.

I admit I am a worrier and I will get wrinkles sooner or later. I've been wound too tightly for years.

First Day Jitters

You would have thought that at 20 I would have gotten over the first-day jitters. After all, I've enough experience of being a new kid in school. But no, of course not, even adults will experience butterflies in their stomachs on the first day to work.

In a way, I am glad that school term is here, again. It brings closure and I've been waiting for the axe to drop anyway.

University is pretty intimidating, isn't it? When you have to take a bus to get to the library, you know you are in it bad.

I miss my Poly! I miss the library and the facilities. I had spend many happy hours sleeping on the study tables. I miss the Business School's computer labs and its printers where we can print whatever we want. On top of everything, I miss the close proximity the school provides.

Sighs, I never thought I will be saying this but circumstances change. I do miss the tough times which bring sweet returns. I have been really lucky in Poly and I hope to be in University too.

I cannot lose my touch.

Green Fields

Yesterday was fun even though we didn't get to go out much.

First, we went to Eight Courtyards showflat.

The whole estate is really appealing to the senses and it's the epitome of the new concept of wellness living. There are more facilities than the usual gym and swimming pool. I assume there won't be a problem with parking lots as well because there will be a multi-storey carpark in addition to an underground carpark. How cool is there?

Of course, I am not delusional enough to think that we'll get to buy a condominium. Besides, I love where I'm staying now, with the extra big living room and bedrooms (as compared to mickey-mouse houses these days). It's all for good fun and I do enjoy the aesthetics and the deco of the showrooms.

After which, it's time to take photographs of the soon-to-be-gone fields and forested areas of Yishun. It hurts me to think that in a few years time, all these lovely greenery will be gone. Somethings need to be sacrifice for development. I just wish that they will slow in down.

NDP 2011

Happy 46th Birthday, Singapore!

Another year, another National Day Parade gone by.

With the new Marina Bay Sands and the Art Science Museum fully constructed, the skyline of Singapore is finally completed and whole. This is the first year where spectators are treated with this beautiful view.

I spent this day watching the parade at home as usual. Next year, I plan to book a room at Marina Bay Sands to celebrate. Let's hope it will come true. I also plan to ballot for the much coveted tickets.

Watching the parade evoke a sense of pride in me and I can't help but get tear-eyed as I took in the sights that Singapore has to offer. Truly, we have come a long way and it is my wish that Singapore will be always on the rise for the better.

Passe

Seeing all those students in their red and white apparel today makes me feel nostalgic and a little bit old.

This is no longer my era. It's considered passe for me. I've grown up and on to better things. Perhaps, that's why I always feel like I'm missing out. I can't let go of the past. I look back and see the good old days.

Displeasure

Blah, it is no wonder that people find Singapore "stifling", because I find it drab too. I can hardly swallow my displeasure over that problem, you-know-what. That sore spot that got me everytime.

Seriously, there are times when I tried not to think about it, but still, sighs.

I suppose there will be enough chances in the future, but what if I don't want it to be in the future? What if I want it to be now, before that passion and spontaneity is gone?