Peaches & Lemons

Life is just peachy, isn't it?

I've endured for years, now that there's only months to go, why is it that I suddenly feel that things are hard to get along?

Graduation Day 2010 is in my school and this brought out a torrent of emotions in me. For one, I can't wait to graduate and put the full-stop in this chapter of my life. It has gone on for long enough and it's time to let go.

I won't go so far to say that I won't miss the times I have in Poly. Sure, there are moments I treasured and loved. But, unfortunately, that is far and between.

I want to wear the graduation robes and get my diploma. I want that experience and memory.

You know, for someone who grab hold on the past and the mundane so tightly, it is funny how I can let things go just as quickly. I like the predictable, the simplicity. I hate changes. But, oh, what wouldn't I give to experience something so wondrous and strange and unique!

It has always been my dream to study overseas, be it sooner or later. I want to travel, to see what I've seen on clips and articles.

Yes, I have good days and bad days. Everything else just falls in between. There are days when I feel as if life is just plain meaningless. Why do we work so hard for? Is it for glory? Is it to fulfil your materialistic gains? Because, ultimately, everything will end. Whether you are high up in the corporate ladder or just another man on the streets, everything will come to an end.

However, it boils down to one thing. Do you want to be the loser or the winner or at least be able to answer to yourself?

Despite sounding so depressing, I wouldn't worry for myself. Let's just say writing all these is a way to release my stress. Besides, there are things I've yet to do. Places yet to be travel. Movies yet to be watched. Books yet to be read. Entertainment yet to be seen. Goals yet to be fulfilled.

I may be a greater fool but I've not lose my mind.

Let us rewind back to school stuff. Semester 3.1 only has a word to describe it. Bad. Real bad. I can't wait for it to end and Semester 3.2 to come and go. Then, I'll be out in the lonely and cruel world. Just peachy, as I said.

Semester 3.1 is bad in so many ways. The lecturers, the subjects, the projects, the feel of things. Everything is just "off". Or is it me who is "off"? Perhaps I'm working on a different wavelength
from others.

Ha, I have yet to even see and experience a quarter of the real world but it seems I can be really insightful when I want to.

I've still a long, long way to go but I'm weary.

Anyway, as they put it, "when Life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolates."

Le Premier Jour

"When Life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand something else"

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First day in school as a senior. Officially.
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Wow, it was a torture waking at 5.30am after a nearly 2 months hiatus. Naturally, buses were full of people but the bus I took had vacant seats.
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When I reached school, the front area near Engineering School had lots of people milling around. I bet most of them were first year students waiting for friends. It's quite funny though.
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Like my friend said, freshmen usually tend to stick around as a class for the first one month or so, and then they will start to spilt into their various groups and cliques.
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For us, we have "been there, done that". I'm quite desensitized.
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The situation in the canteens and buses are going to be bad for the first few weeks. There will be lots of students, all eager to make it. After the original first few weeks, attendance will drop and canteens will have vacant seats again. Not that I like canteen food.
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So, first day lecture was Event Management. I just found out that the month of August will be a holiday (study weeks) for us. It is due to the high participant rate in the Youth Olympics Games and the fact that the few week of September will be the examinations.
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Yay! All the more for me. I can treat it as a minor holiday before the day of reckoning.
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However, rather than cutting study materials short, I guess they squeeze all the syllabus before August. The deadlines for projects are certainly so. Oh boy, projects here and there. Have to start early.
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Well, that's that. Nothing to talk about actually. I'm glad to see my friends. One last year before everything changes. The debacle on JCs, Polys and Universities is making me very nervous and anxious. It's certainly a reality check for me.
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I know that going to University from a Poly route isn't going to be easy, but never have I thought it will be so tedious and difficult. I used to think that as long as I get good results, I can stand a fairly good chance of making it. Now? Not so much.
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I never think of stopping with a Diploma only from Day One. In my opinion, that's really not a choice if I want what I want. Each of us have different thinking, it's how you work it out that matters.
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In the past, I harbour thoughts and plans to go to an overseas University. I still do so, but I guess my dreams are going to crash. Going overseas is and still is my first choice for studies. If I can't make it this time round, there is always higher education like Masters. Then, I'll go overseas.
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At least, I have one year to work things out in my favour. I just need the strength and will-power to do that. If I am not changing now, when will I do so?
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Things aren't looking too good now. Life isn't a bed of roses, I know that. I just never thought that it will be a bed of steel needles. Sighs.
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Having work on Tuesdays and Fridays. Double Sigh.

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The End is Near

"The end is near"

Just over a day left for me. Then, it will be another year, another nerve-rending year. Darn you.

Only this time, it'll be different. There won't be another long holiday for me. I will literally become 'holiday-less' since there will be an internship soon.

I can see that I'll have a terribly "good" time this time round.

The train is leaving the platform, last call before all gates are shut. Will I be left chasing after the train or will I be sitting comfortably in the first-class cabin? Will I be a passenger or a worker or the driver? Will I be left behind in the last cabin or will I be in the first? Will the train take me to the place I want to go or will I be lost? Will the journey be smooth or be rattling?

So many may-bes and will-bes. Sighs. When did I become so melodramatic?

I can't let go of the past. Why?

It's not that I'm pessimistic. It's just reluctance to let go of good times.

Slipping Through My Fingers

"Slipping through my fingers all the time, I try to capture every minute, the feeling in it"
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"I felt like someone had kicked my legs out from under me ... I was out of time. And I wasn’t ready."

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"Time passes, even for me"

All the days seem to have speed by without me. Looking back, I wonder at what I've been doing all these days.

You know it's time to start school when I starts to reminiscence about the good, ole days that is the holidays. Seriously, I can't seem to get ready for school.

Going back is like preparing for another battle. I can almost smell the need for victory, again. Of course, there is only a way forward and that is the only path to take. No cross-roads here. There is to be only one end. And that is for me to emerge as the victor.

I really, really don't want the time to pass so quickly. Yes, I have been granted almost 2 months of holidays, more so than many others. But, it seems as if I have not done many things constructive, huh.

I am like a jellyfish. Floating around all day and night. I go where pleases me. I can do what I like, when I like. I don't have to care about people judging me and pointing fingers. If I want to sleep the day away, I will because I can.

I literally hold time in my hands.

However, there is a sinister underplot, as I am controlling my time, time is controlling me as well. I'm standing on a ticking time-bomb. Sooner or later, the bomb will burst and I have to go back to reality.

Fantasy is good while it lasts.

I went back to read my previous posts, it seems as if it was still the first day of the holidays. Really. The days did speed past. I was still on the platform but the train has already left the station, with everything on it.

I live in the past, I must admit. I live for the future too. As for the present? I try my hardest to live for the moment.

Typing all these makes me think that there is something whacked about myself. Normally, I aren't this sort of person. Ahhh, who am I kidding? I'm always this sort. I like to overanalyse things, make myself all strung-up over tiny matters, lose sleep over them and start over again the next day.

There are only a few days in the year where this does not strike.

Lots of thoughts jumbled in my mind. I'll try my hardest to write them out.

Oh right. I might as well write this together with this post.

Working in a "tuition" centre, I realised that being the kids of today are quite pitiful actually. Myself included, I guess. But, they still have a long, long way to go.

As I get older, thoughts like these start to plague me. Higher education, career, money-matters, etc.

I wonder if I have the goods to make it in this world. I wonder if I'm good enough to survive in the corporate world. I wonder if I can get a good job and stay with it. I wonder whether I can fulfil my goals and dreams.

I guess we all have a hand in molding the future we want. But, life, there is just so much we can't control. Life is full of surprises and shocks, ups and downs. One day, you are top of the world, the next, you are nothing.

I just have an epiphany. Life is the greatest when you are young.

This is a short teaser, no doubt a grave one, leading to my 19th birthday. It's almost fore-boding...

Wrapped Up

Seems like I've been on hiatus for quite time.

Mid-semester tests were over and that's that. Franchising Business paper was, surprisingly, pretty alright. I think I managed to get the points right, it all boils down to how I explain them and whether the teacher thinks they are fine. 1 hour is really not enough to be writing essays. I'm hoping to get at least a B+ for Franchising Business, at least for 25%.

The 2 weeks holidays has begun. Can't say I love it. Maybe it's love with a hatred. This holiday is just another time to catch up on deadlines and it totally kills the mood. Most people I know of are enjoying the year end while for me, it's work as usual. Not that this is the first time I'm experiencing it. However, year 2 does seem so different from year 1.

I have hopes that in this tight schedule of mine, I can find some time to enjoy and relax, which is exactly what I've been doing until today.

I just realised I'm running out of time to complete what I should be doing. I need to make lists. I need to prioritise, damnation. It's just that everyday I wake up, I have in no condition to get down to business. It must the year-end and festive bug.

Christmas is nearly upon us, again. This is the time when the nostalgia and something quite difficult to put in words hit me with a force. I wish for the 'perfect" Christmas season, with the snow, the feasts, the decorations, the sound of carols, the sight of shoppers and windows displaying the finest, the works... *Sighs* It's a dream, for sure.

I do love this festive season. I do wish for the getaway to get away from it all. But, I don't think we're going anywhere this year. Oh well, more the time for me to complete my stuff.

The first week of term 2 is surely a lazy one. What with Tuesday being an off day, Friday being the New Year. Too bad we have to go to school on Thursday which is a New Year's Eve, nevermind the fact it's only for 30 minutes on a 9am slot.

*Le Gasp* Is 2010 nearly upon us? When have time move so fast? It seems like yesterday that I'm still enjoying my year 1.2.

As 2009 comes to a standstill, I'll end it with a quote from Bella in New Moon.

Soon.

On and on

No time to call my own.

No amount of money is worth the "torture". But, when that money is spent on something so pleasing, I'll probably laugh and contradict myself.

Just realised that I've been posting entries about my sorry self. I'll try my best to change. Time is a-slipping by.

Once my 2 individual projects are done, it's time for revision on the various subjects for the upcoming mid-semester tests and quizzes. Let's see, World Issues quiz 1, Club and Resort quiz 1, communication skills 2 test, and mid-semester tests.

Holy, it's enough to make one breathless. 3rd December seems so far away, I shudder to think the perilous paths I have to take before enjoying my movie.

I can't wait for mid-December! 2 weeks of holidays, so much to achieve. I really hope I can get out of the stifling country, literally and figuratively. A getaway is what I need to get away from it all. Somewhere where I can relax for a while.

Sometimes, I wish I can say "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn". However, I'm not that kind of person in nature. One can hope though.

Supposedly 2 short school days from tomorrow, but due to my bad fortune, I still have to go to school, albeit at a later timing. To quote my father "Who ask you to be so special?" Yes, sometimes I wonder too. To be in the certificate programme sounds cool but is not.

Have to mug for Franchise Business project tonight and tomorrow.

Time a-ticking

"Time's fun when you are having flies"

"Holidays is a godsend"

Eeeek! One week left before 'my time is up'.

They say "time flies when you are having fun". Scary how time flies even if you are NOT having fun.

The holidays has been hectic, really. Sure, I read lots of novels. That's the part I enjoyed most, actually. Free to sleep late, wake up early, laze around and read for pleasure; basically just be a jellyfish for some part. I can ease my mind to think of trivial stuff, make up sequels for fanfics and novels, dream for a better part of my day. I can worry about how to get my hands on books and how to survive another day at work.

I don't have to worry constantly, having sleepless nights due to school and projects. I don't have to stress myself unnecessarily. Frequently, I give myself undue stress to pace myself. I work myself up in a frenzy to push myself along. I don't have to care for anything too tough. *Sighs*

That's the benefits of holidays. I can't believe I just realise it now. *Headdesk* Maybe it's due to working for 4 days a week this time round, leaving me with just 3 days of complete freedom that I've come to appreciate this godsend more.

Oh nooo, projects and more projects will be coming. I'm almost dreading the thought of returning to school. New classmates, again! Who knows if they will be good project mates? I don't want to end up with some people who are freeloaders or not serious at all, for god's sake. The eye-glaring problem is we aren't allow time to know each other better before being asked to form groups. How in the world are we going to know who is good?

This must be a conspiracy. Please don't tell me this is similar to workplace life. If that's true, what's with the grading, GPA and what not?


*Groans*, will this never ends?! Non, it'll never end, until 2011 rolls in... Just when I'm about to familiarise myself with people, change is a-coming...
 
Oh, please let my time-table be good, no long breaks within classes and I want to go home early, even for the sake for cash.